Again, stress and anxiety bring me back to blogging.
I was met at school a couple weeks ago by a VP admin who informed me I needed to go home and that I was on leave because of an 'incident'. Since then I have been upset, confused, anxious and trying to do some serious thinking and planning for life. It is being investigated and I have spoken with a union representative and need to meet with DHS and a group from the school district. I saw a psychologist who referred me to a therapist where I have an appointment. It's a weird experience altogether — that while I am not happy to be experiencing, this is kick starting me to do something about it. I feel that I was in a slow coma rut of doing the same thing day after day and not making any personal forward progress, I wasn't happy, so I hope to get my act together emotionally so I can move forward professionally.
You know how they say that if you aren't proactive about your life then it will just happen to you whether you like it or not? I feel like that is happening. And while I don't have control over most of it, I have a lot of things that I can do for myself.
It's funny that my last post was about Ayodeji Awosika, because last night we watched several of his episodes and I was again inspired. However, although I feel he is accurately describing me as a creative person who is not doing what she really wants to do, I am still totally not sure which steps to take to go forward. Meanwhile I have a long list of things to do that I need to take care of. One of them is writing and so I hope I come back here more frequently. Stay strong.
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Saturday, November 2, 2019
Ayodeji Awosika sent me here
Ayo's YouTube channel was discovered by me accidentally when I couldn't read a Medium piece he wrote online because the website said I had 'reached my limit' of free articles. So I looked up his name to find something else I could read by him, because the title had piqued my interest and I was curious. Instead of an article, I found he had recently started a YouTube channel where he shared motivational ideas; self-help inspiration and instruction based on his own life experiences.
That's all. I just wanted to share that because I haven't written (except for notes and letters and in my health diary occasionally) for a year and because of Ayo (pronounced 'IO', nickname of Ayodeji Awosika) I have finally started thinking about coming back and writing again. And I do have a lot of interesting work and education stories to write about, it's just about choosing something and doing it.
That's all. I just wanted to share that because I haven't written (except for notes and letters and in my health diary occasionally) for a year and because of Ayo (pronounced 'IO', nickname of Ayodeji Awosika) I have finally started thinking about coming back and writing again. And I do have a lot of interesting work and education stories to write about, it's just about choosing something and doing it.
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
And so this is Christmas
Happy Christmas! It's finally the long awaited Winter break from school and I am home with our bearded dragon, a few remaining geckos, two fish and me myself and I. I made myself be busy yesterday so I could stay home today *and clean the apartment. I might go see a movie though, I'm not sure yet. I really want to see the new Spiderman animated film. It's awesome to have a vacation from school, but I wish we could go up to the mountain where there's snow. I also really hope that the students have someone to continue their learning habits while school is out so that they don't forget everything. But that's out of our control.
I am going to make some little face sculptures out of clay and try to motivate to do some drawing and painting too. So much I want to do, but I also want to get some rest and relaxation. Art is relaxing for me though, and also feels like I'm being productive, but I still need to be motivated to do it. Peace and Love.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Hello World!
So, it's been so long that I have to almost start over, but that's not feasible so I will just start from now.
My current position at the same school but in a different classroom is a whole new ball of wax. I am working with a blind student who is also non verbal and has autism so I need to use some ASL and try to help her practice using a braille typewriter. It's very interesting for me, and the other teachers, but also frustrating because we don't know exactly how she learns or what we need to do to help her.
I also work with the other students who are all on different levels of intellectual ability, and most of all we have kids who are essentially incontinent because they were never able to be potty trained. So that level of independence doesn't exist and we need to do numerous diaper and pull-up changes throughout the day.
I don't go to outside classes elsewhere in the school building anymore, except for the gym or the cafeteria for PE and 'work experience'. So in a way I am more isolated; no more drama class or computer animation class, or ceramics. I tried to balance this by attending the art club meetings after school once a week because I am also friendly with the teacher, but I have been so emotionally and physically tired that I have only been to two of those.
Something different form last year is that we go on field trips in this class and even though I have some negative memories of school bus experiences from my first year, the outings have been very successful. We have gone to the movies and a pumpkin patch and a holiday tree festival. Our teacher is new to the school and really supportive and knowledgeable about her work. She's very caring and shows great concern for us and the students. I will end this return to writing on that positive note. Thank you and goodnight!
My current position at the same school but in a different classroom is a whole new ball of wax. I am working with a blind student who is also non verbal and has autism so I need to use some ASL and try to help her practice using a braille typewriter. It's very interesting for me, and the other teachers, but also frustrating because we don't know exactly how she learns or what we need to do to help her.
I also work with the other students who are all on different levels of intellectual ability, and most of all we have kids who are essentially incontinent because they were never able to be potty trained. So that level of independence doesn't exist and we need to do numerous diaper and pull-up changes throughout the day.
I don't go to outside classes elsewhere in the school building anymore, except for the gym or the cafeteria for PE and 'work experience'. So in a way I am more isolated; no more drama class or computer animation class, or ceramics. I tried to balance this by attending the art club meetings after school once a week because I am also friendly with the teacher, but I have been so emotionally and physically tired that I have only been to two of those.
Something different form last year is that we go on field trips in this class and even though I have some negative memories of school bus experiences from my first year, the outings have been very successful. We have gone to the movies and a pumpkin patch and a holiday tree festival. Our teacher is new to the school and really supportive and knowledgeable about her work. She's very caring and shows great concern for us and the students. I will end this return to writing on that positive note. Thank you and goodnight!
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Ground Rules
Decisions must be made. Ideas utilised. Plans detailed and enacted. Questions answered! Do I focus on writing about work at school everyday, or veer off course as I have done in the past and discuss whatever is on my mind at the time? I guess I will have to get back to this, because my break is over now!
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
It's a Nuwa Yeara
School began yesterday, of course I have mixed feelings, about work and life and writing. Since I didn't write all summer I am trying something new where I write while still at school, so I don't have home distractions. We will see how it works out! That's all for now, I need to get back into the flow. It took me five or more minutes just to get my password right and now I am told I have to make a new one in the next eight days. Pooh.
Saturday, April 14, 2018
I've been slacking
here for a couple of weeks. Lots of 'stuff' happened. We had Spring Break, and I did a lot of cleaning. We almost moved. Steve put down a deposit on an apartment that we thought was a little cheaper and a little nicer just across the street. But then we were told our building was sold, and the new owner said she didn't want us to move and she would keep the rent lower for us. Then a lot of back and forth happened, and in the end, we decided to stay here.
They had the boys cooking some pizza pockets mostly from scratch in the Life Skills class the other day, and I made brownies with one of the kids. It all worked out well, but I had my head in my hands when a kid was looking through the kitchen drawers for a brush and kept holding up other things like a big fork and a spatula, despite me describing what it should look like. It was very hard for me to not go over and get it for him, but I resisted so he could have the success of finding it for himself, which didn't happen, the other teacher ended up assisting him, but that's okay. A similar thing happened when they were looking for oven mitts/pot holders, despite the drawers and cupboards all being clearly labeled. I think parents should do that in their houses as they teach their children to read. I also think that parents should teach their children to read by reading with them every day. But that doesn't happen.
We went for a bike ride today and got to see a wild blue heron and some other little birdies when we took a shortcut through the woods.
I had a chiropractor appointment awhile back and she said after the assessment that she would do a plan for treatment, but then they called me and said they don't take the insurance I have from school. That was a bummer because I was really liking the doctor even though it's further away then I'd choose. I could still go there, but I would just have to pay for it. I am still thinking about it. I got some lotion from the cannabis shop (which is awesome that one can do that now) for my back and leg pain. I hope it helps. I really want to stop taking the pills they prescribed me from Kaiser (when they gave me the steroid back injection) that I have been taking for months, so I went to ask the doctor if I could stop and she said No, no, no, you must cut back slowly, and then if you find yourself in bad pain then you can go back up. I said Okay, I will do that. And I came home and broke all the pills in half and am trying to keep to the schedule she wrote for me. I already messed up though, but I will be okay.
So tomorrow we are going to return the keys to the apartment that we never used. The manager was going to keep all the money Steve gave him, but now he says he will return some of it. That's good. We have been negligent with our Garage Sale Warehouse store space and need to go do some organizing there and bring down more stuff to sell. I found myself feeling sad when we went there last time and I saw that all of the pretty little fine china teacups and saucers that we had put out were gone. I liked seeing them and having them there. I liked the idea that if they didn't sell I could have an excuse to keep them myself. It was weird. I also think about the big crock with the red wing and the 5 on it that Bob and Mary gave to me that I sold, and I feel a little nostalgic. I wish i kept it, but it was a good item to sell at the vintage store. I get way too attached to things. Way too attached... Peace.
They had the boys cooking some pizza pockets mostly from scratch in the Life Skills class the other day, and I made brownies with one of the kids. It all worked out well, but I had my head in my hands when a kid was looking through the kitchen drawers for a brush and kept holding up other things like a big fork and a spatula, despite me describing what it should look like. It was very hard for me to not go over and get it for him, but I resisted so he could have the success of finding it for himself, which didn't happen, the other teacher ended up assisting him, but that's okay. A similar thing happened when they were looking for oven mitts/pot holders, despite the drawers and cupboards all being clearly labeled. I think parents should do that in their houses as they teach their children to read. I also think that parents should teach their children to read by reading with them every day. But that doesn't happen.
We went for a bike ride today and got to see a wild blue heron and some other little birdies when we took a shortcut through the woods.
I had a chiropractor appointment awhile back and she said after the assessment that she would do a plan for treatment, but then they called me and said they don't take the insurance I have from school. That was a bummer because I was really liking the doctor even though it's further away then I'd choose. I could still go there, but I would just have to pay for it. I am still thinking about it. I got some lotion from the cannabis shop (which is awesome that one can do that now) for my back and leg pain. I hope it helps. I really want to stop taking the pills they prescribed me from Kaiser (when they gave me the steroid back injection) that I have been taking for months, so I went to ask the doctor if I could stop and she said No, no, no, you must cut back slowly, and then if you find yourself in bad pain then you can go back up. I said Okay, I will do that. And I came home and broke all the pills in half and am trying to keep to the schedule she wrote for me. I already messed up though, but I will be okay.
So tomorrow we are going to return the keys to the apartment that we never used. The manager was going to keep all the money Steve gave him, but now he says he will return some of it. That's good. We have been negligent with our Garage Sale Warehouse store space and need to go do some organizing there and bring down more stuff to sell. I found myself feeling sad when we went there last time and I saw that all of the pretty little fine china teacups and saucers that we had put out were gone. I liked seeing them and having them there. I liked the idea that if they didn't sell I could have an excuse to keep them myself. It was weird. I also think about the big crock with the red wing and the 5 on it that Bob and Mary gave to me that I sold, and I feel a little nostalgic. I wish i kept it, but it was a good item to sell at the vintage store. I get way too attached to things. Way too attached... Peace.
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