Jobs you like and jobs you hate

 It's so sad to feel like you actually, truly, madly, deeply *hate* your job. I have only been in that position a few times, and fortunately it wasn't a regular, all-day feeling, but more hating aspects of it, like the behavior of certain people, the restrictions on movement (like how far you could go from one spot, or having to stand when you could sit, or walk when you could run), clothing, or even whether you were allowed to have a water bottle or phone with you. The biggest one of course, is feeling disappointment, frustration, and even resentment that you are working so hard and doing a great job, but are still being paid as little as they can possibly get away with.

 I think everyone should experience having to support themselves on minimum wage (no tips), but I also wouldn't wish it on anyone for a lifetime. I think that the best-paying job I did before teaching and working in schools, was the unionized job in a hospital cafeteria. And the next best paying would have been as a groundskeeper/landscaper, after I completed the women in trades pre-apprenticeship program (when I wanted to learn plumbing, but actually should have gone into electrician program...#hindsight), but was unable to pass a physical (because of a heart murmur).

I'm grateful that I have had several jobs that I would gladly do as unpaid, volunteer work if money were no object. Those include the flower shop, being a reading tutor, a music and art teaching assistant, and (maybe this, but less so) a cook in a brew pub. If the work is so fulfilling, fun, or enjoyable, like an excellent learning experience, or something where you feel you are contributing to others' happiness as well as your own, then it's a very good thing. I have also done actual volunteer jobs that I wish I could have continued, but "real" jobs took priority, because money. It is good to be responsible enough and reliable enough to be a volunteer, and an employee; but as a volunteer, while you are still required to be responsible, you don't "owe" an employer the same things that a paid employee would. I guess I feel based on past experiences, that many companies don't have enough respect for their employees.

Most of the jobs I *hated* (not every moment, but the overall work, hours, pay, and everything that contributed to that) were primarily because I felt I a) wasn't using my mind or learning anything, and b) I wasn't helping anyone except for being "in service" to them temporarily (like the jobs at Subway or Domino's I did out of necessity). I also remember the feeling of being judged in different positions, like sensing that some people held the belief of: "Since you are working here, it must mean you aren't capable of doing anything better ..." So, remember that you don't know what someone did before, or is capable of, and instead of judging that person silently, show appreciation for them in the moment. 

Cheers to working toward doing work you also enjoy, and helping others. Be Kind, to yourself and others, and show Grace to yourself and others whenever possible. Peace and Love.

Wait, what Year is It?

 There's no reason to fear, the new year is here! I have been listening to more spiritually peaceful, meditation-style music lately. Mostly instrumental, like acoustic guitar or pan flute. Stuff you might hear in a massage studio to help you feel relaxed. And it IS relaxing, and good to work or do chores, or read to.

I might return later and put in some links from YouTube, because I use that often, but I also just instruct Echo (Alexa) to play something in that genre ("Echo, play chakra meditation" or "play calming instrumental music.").

It is officially winter here, as in, it now actually *feels* like winter. It was unusually warm (ish) for the longest time, and now it is appropriately frigid for the region. There was one recent snowstorm that melted within a week, but the ice blocks from the frozen kiddie pool are still ice blocks outside. 

Because of the weather, I have started getting into my "I think I feel like baking" and "Stew sounds good" mode, so I made different veggie stews and types of muffins over the past week. I am at the point in my cooking experience that I still like to check out recipes, but I don't *have* to, because I have the basic ingredients in my head and the approximate measurements for things the same way. It feels good to just "know" how much to use and what goes well with what.

I made different variations of blueberry-matcha muffins, which both turned out nicely. Then I had an interesting conversation with an AI model about clouds, and I asked it for a muffin recipe inspired by that. It gave me a great suggestion that I have seen on cooking shows before but forgot about, where you infuse milk with earl gray tea as one of the ingredients in lemon flavor batter. I haven't done it yet, but I will! It also had a lavender and lemon idea that sounded familiar, but that I've never tried before.

It's almost Steven's birthday and I'm going to make a lasagna I saw on America's Test Kitchen (and already made once and it is really good). That's when I definitely need a recipe, when I specifically want to make something that someone else created. I could wing it, but the flavors were perfect, so I want to do it right.

I have to go get some work done, I just wanted to create a post so I don't fall too far behind. I'll try to return to this with the lasagna recipe if possible, and some links for super calming, chill music I like. Peace and Love to All.

 what's the deal with stonehenge??

That was just the first thing that popped into my mind when I thought of how to finish the phrase: "What's the deal with ...," so into the blog title space it went! That is actually a hilarious song (by Josh Grobin I think?) opa, now I have to check how to spell "Groban" correctly. One second, hold on. okay, it's definitely G R O B A N. But, I got the wrong memory. Apparently it's by Ylvis (who did the "What does the fox say" song I believe. Stonehenge song

This is something I discovered when I was looking for the other, and it's too funny not to share: Josh Groban Improv

I found myself unexpectedly tearing up this morning when I was writing back to my friend Pam in reply to her long and detailed holiday letter about her family and their adventures over the past year. I was feeling maudlin and melancholy because of my lack of close family ties, as well as the realization that my mom died this month, almost twenty years ago. I would like to do something special to commemorate her life. I have had ideas such as publishing some of her poetry or sketches, but I haven't done anything like that. 

I am finally starting to look at some of the many journals and diaries I have of hers (she was a prolific writer and memoirist), which is a big deal because I have been putting that off for so long, feeling like I had to read them all at once, or was obligated to put them in order first, or some other excuse. And I opened a box that was labeled letters from her, but is also letters to her from me, as well as ones from my sister. I haven't read through them yet because looking at them began to feel overwhelming, but I noticed this envelope with a cool line drawing I made and thought I would add it here.

Peace and love for the chronological new year, and looking forward to blessings and prosperity beginning on the lunar Chinese New Year (February 17), which I really am working on being conscious of and learning about this year.

              🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄 Merry Christmas🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

We "celebrate" (by giving the cats treats and making nice food to eat), but not really, not traditionally, because we don't go to church (though we have in the past) and I am more into Yule and Solstice celebrations than Christian ones. We also always watch a lot of Christmas movies and TV episodes (like Psych. which always makes me laugh, which is awesome). This year we watched three different versions of A Christmas Carol. Scrooged, with Bill Murray and Karen Allen, which I haven't seen in umpteen years, so it was kind of like watching it for the first time again; a Hallmark movie version (that I forgot the name of) that was actually pretty cool; and (probably the best one) A VHS Christmas Carol Live!, which is a musical theater version with original songs. That one is by the theater group "StarKid," who have a lot of their performances on YouTube, and are extremely talented. 

I was looking at one of my old journal notes that was musing about how cool it would be to have that experience that Dickens describes of the ghost visitations and time travel into your own past and future. I wrote how much I would love to see myself as a baby with my mom, dad, and sister, on Christmas. To see myself being unconditionally loved by my family, and them loving each other too. How cool would that be?  Then I realized that a lot of people actually do have that, and get the opportunity to watch themselves on video because they had movie cameras (or phones now, of course), that their parents used to film them.

It would be such a good perspective revelation to see yourself from the outside, in the past, future and present. This might be not that hard to do with visualization exercises, if you can enter the right, open state of mind, and have the awareness and objectivity to be willing to see things or learn things that aren't pleasant ... but teleporting and time travelling with ghosts sounds a lot easier and more fun.😊

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT. Peace and Love, Be excellent to one another. 💖💖💖 If you decide to watch this, I think you'll be really impressed! ♫♬🎜🎝🎶🎶

 I don't know or rather can't decide what to write today, so I let an AI write me a post:

P.S. Photos are not mine, but from a house listed on Zillow in California that I was drooling over!

Writer's block is incredibly frustrating, especially when you've set a goal to post regularly.

Since I know you've been working hard on organizing your art room and resurrecting your blog for regular Wednesday Thursday posts, I've drafted a post centered on that journey. It's often easier to write about the process of getting ready to create when the creativity itself feels stuck.

Here is a draft you can use, edit, or completely scrap if it doesn't feel right:

---

Title Ideas:

• Finding My Way Back to the Easel

• The Great Art Room Reset

• Clearing the Clutter to Find Creativity

Body Draft:

They say the hardest part is just showing up, but I’d argue the hardest part is sometimes just finding your supplies so you can show up.

Lately, I’ve been on a mission to resurrect this blog and, more importantly, my creative practice. I set myself a goal to post here every Wednesday, a small promise to myself to keep moving forward. But before the watercolors could flow and the sketches could start, I had to face the reality of my art room.

I’ve realized I’m what some might call a "Butterfly" organizer. I need to see my things—if they are tucked away in opaque boxes, they might as well not exist. The challenge has been finding a way to keep my beloved supplies visible without letting the room devolve into chaos. It’s a delicate balance of open shelving, clear bins, and a lot of tough decisions about what stays and what goes.

It hasn't just been about cleaning; it’s been an archaeological dig through past projects and forgotten ideas. It's overwhelming, but also inspiring. Clearing physical space really does seem to clear mental space.

I’m not all the way there yet. There are still piles to sort and labels to make. But I’m here, writing this today, which means I’m one step closer than I was yesterday.

It's not my writing, but it says what I feel, so that's 'good enough' for today. Perfection is unattainable anyway, and I feel better just knowing I posted. Here's another scene from the house I was dreaming about for when I win the lottery! ;-)

Kats n' Jammers

 Our cat, Doctor Crush, from a few years ago in a peaceful, snow-filled scene. I was/am always surprised he doesn't mind the snow or cold too much (But he always comes back inside when he's ready). 

I have been thinking about the jobs I have had that made me wish I could do something like that full-time. Not all parts of the job, but certain aspects of it that I really enjoyed, that had me thinking, if only I could do *this* all day, instead of all the other parts.

Some examples were when I was working at the college library at art school, and in between the tasks I was assigned, I would just sit in the stacks in between shelves and shelves of art books and look through books of photography and paintings. I just wanted to do that all day long (and also make art). Then, when I worked in the book room at an elementary school, doing categorizing, filing, and labeling, I would stop and read the children's books ... and I just wanted to do that all day long (and also make art and illustrations, and write). That was a cool volunteer job, as was reading to kids with the S.M.A.R.T (Start Making a Reader Today) program at the same school.

Whenever I got to do art class projects with kids at the high school (especially in ceramics), I felt like I would be happy if I could just do that all day long. And when I got to play outside and do craft projects at the other elementary school for the after-school program "SHINE" I enjoyed everything about it, but missed reading and writing. And then, also at the high school jobs, I would be doing some research that was related to a curriculum I would need to present, or things that were specific to a student I was working with, and I would just be enjoying the process of learning, disseminating information, and researching, and I was always sad when I had to stop.

When I was at my other college jobs involving flat-copy slide photography, data entry, and other computer work, I really enjoyed doing that, and was content to perform the office and photo studio side of the tasks we had, but it was sadly only a small portion of the work shift.

I dislike the same things about working at schools as I did as a student: the bells, the rush, the scheduling, the early starts, being indoors all day, and the large classes. It would be so great if you found something you liked and could keep doing it until you were done, instead of having to stop and go start something completely different. I read something about Montessori schools and Reggio Emilia schools today that made me realize that not only would that have served me better when I was a student, but also would fulfill me more as a teacher.

Here's to being able to do what suits you best, all the time, every day. Peace. 

            Doctor Pepper posing

Retail Madness

 Soho Video

                 and

                         Paper Zone

These two jobs were connected in a way, because when I was still at Paper Zone I had yet to return to school by starting at PSU; and I worked at Soho while I was at school again (for the first couple of years). I remember the phone call I had from Judith at Soho inviting me to work there, that I took on my break at PZ. The rest of the details are too fuzzy to recall. PZ was interesting. It was an office supply and craft store. They had oodles of rubber stamps, tons of paper of every style imaginable, and other supplies (pens galore). I wasn't hired as any type of supervisor, fortunately, but was eventually fired nonetheless for sharing my wage rate with another employee. I assumed we (the regular associates) were all making the same (around $7.25 I think) but the person was so upset (rightly so, as they'd been there awhile) that they went to the manager about it, to raise an understandable fuss. 

I'm still confused about why this was a "me" problem—why not just raise their wage and give them the difference to make up for the time they were at a deficit? Underpaying valuable employees is bad management practice. I was mad and disappointed, naturally, who likes being fired? But yet again, like OMSI (which came much later), I was better off. It was a small crew, with a couple of good natured people, and also some less friendly types. One supervisor, a woman younger than myself at the time called me "Dork" on a regular basis and didn't understand why it bothered me so much. Then there was a woman who was extremely perturbed when I attempted any small talk. I specifically recall asking what she was planning to make for dinner while we were stocking shelves one day, and she said "chopped salad," which I had never heard of, so I asked her more questions about it, and she's like: "why do you want to know about what we eat?" So I was taken aback, because it was just small talk, but I explained that we both liked to cook and I was interested in recipes. She was quite curmudgeonly for a twenty-something married person. She also never said "Thank You" or "You're Welcome," explaining when I mentioned it one time, that it "wasn't necessary" to do with other employees, just customers. I remember that clearly despite it being almost 30 years ago. WTF. Rude People, am I right?

Soho Video was much better by all accounts. It doesn't exist anymore, the owner having moved to California, but at the time it was the best, most complete and eclectic indie video store in Southwest Portland. The East side featured a similar place, Movie Madness, which was much bigger, still exists today, and is now owner (I think) of the Historic Hollywood Theater

I liked working at Soho so much, I remember thinking I could be content to stop going to school if I could only work there full time. To give an example of how cool Soho video was, I once signed up Gus Van Sant as a customer for a new account. How cool is that. The best part was that I made a friend for life in Adrienne, the owner's daughter who worked there on her college breaks. She now lives in Mexico, but we text regularly. I don't remember how much I made per hour, but there were always videos to borrow for free, as well as screeners of new movies (VHS only ... this was on the cusp of DVDs and the store closed before they were mainstream, so the owner never added any to the inventory). Peace and Love, and may all your retail experiences be either behind you, or going well.