Another. Another school shooting. Oh for Fuck's sake. Samantha Bee said it best when she said to the lawmakers, nobody needs your thoughts and prayers right now, we need to enact strong gun control.
Today I was cranky because: I was tired, I didn't get my second break, which I almost never do, but I want it, I want to take it, I'm just always in the middle of something and don't feel like I'm able to remove myself from the situation even though I really need to. Also cranky because (mostly) boring assembly, which I think I (and other aides) should have been allowed to skip because I was finishing a paperwork project (so annoying, the label template for the file divider tabs weren't lining up properly, and I was just hating the whole thing because I had to start and stop it several times. I was also thinking about mistakes because the journal prompt was "What is a mistake you made in your life? What do you wish you did differently? What do you regret?"– and usually I help kids write theirs, but today after helping I sat down and wrote out my own answer to the questions. I will share it later because this is really long now...
I hate assigned projects that can't be completed in the time allotted. Hate them. So distracting.) Also cranky because other teacher (s) insist (s) I need to completely log out of a computer before they can use it. They don't seem to get (or don't want to utilize) the 'switch user' option is there for that reason They wanted me to log out, and I've heard that before, and so I wanted to be agreeable and agreed, but they claim that in order to log out you need to log on first with your password. This makes no sense, but they don't seem to get that so I tried to show her what I meant by doing as she asked (slightly patronizingly, so I said please don't condescend. And she said sorry.
Tone of voice can be very important, but I should also have had more of a sense of humor (although, as I said, it was the end of the day, and already cranky...I was Still trying to finish the stupid office project, And had to get to a CPR course (at a different school) I had just signed up for only an hour earlier. After I logged on (remember, this is supposedly so that I can log out), she told me to navigate to the apple icon to log out. I said, well, how aboooot what I usually do, go over here (opposite side of menu bar) to my name (I click on my name and about twenty names of users shows in a drop-down menu) and then I could log out ... or we could just click on your name right here, and you can be logged on! So I did that, because she can undo it if she wanted and whatever.
You want to use the computer, use it, don't be bothering my ass to log out all the fucking time. That's another thing I HATED about the other classroom I was in last year. I didn't have a computer but the other teachers all did. She wouldn't let me use the Chromebook I was given to use, because she was mean, so I had to go on the PC to try to read email and then the second I went to do something else or help a kid somebody logged me out.
Somebody being whatserface. Grrrrrrr. That dumb office project made me be late to start reading to my student, it made me not be able to help other student study the chem flash cards I made them, and I just want to work with the kids when they are around and give them attention if they want/need it, and not do office work. I also had to stop doing the journals to start doing that, so I had to leave that unfinished although someone else was able to finish it later, then I was making some progress and our sub from last year popped in and started chatting at me about school funding and I wanted to scream because he was just distracting me from trying to get the labels to print correctly.
I can't concentrate on office work when there's people around blabbing either. I definitely do it best by myself, and it's so frustrating to have to start and stop repeatedly or have to ignore someone because I am trying to finish the thing. And then my associate who had wanted me to log out of the PC (I had said afterward I was sorry I was cranky but it was that least favorite task assignment that was making me nuts) offered to help me finish it, and I was really grateful because no one else had offered, but she didn't really help, but I felt emotionally supported for a minute and that was meaningful.
Barb seems to be cold to me lately but she is probably going through stuff outside of work, like how I saw Patsy at the CpR and after talking with her found out about her daughter having cancer that was almost misdiagnosed (she's fine, everything good now). Just sayin', you can't know stuff by looking at people and if someone seems indifferent or unfriendly to you, it is most likely because of things going on in their own personal lives so try not to take it as being about you...
I am sitting here complaining and trying to think of some positive things about today that perhaps arose out of the annoying/bad stuff: I am now CPR certified (doesn't seem like a three-hour class would be enough to qualify for that, but it is), since we were in the library at the elementary school I looked through some books and found a really cool one called How You Talk by Paul Showers (1966) who (I found out) wrote a LOT of books for Let's-Read-and-Find-Out Science series after already having had an extended journalism career. I just have one more thing positive to say for now, and it's quotes I copied from Sandra Cisneros's book The House On Mango Street that the class is 'reading' (listening to) right now: "Just remember to keep writing, it will keep you free!" and "I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much." Peace.
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