Art jobs that didn't happen

 I had signed up for what was supposed to be a summer internship with Will Vinton studios, through college, and I remember going to the meeting where there were several other student workers, and then I never got to go back. I thought it was a done deal that I was already an intern, but something was "lost in translation" and they only accepted a few of the group that showed up. All I recall is that I was excited and I was counting on it for the experience, and then it fell through; actually I am remembering that while I had signed up for it, the studio didn't have me signed up for it. Basically, I wasn't "on the list," and they said they would call me if they needed more people, but they didn't. I can't help but think now that there was something I could have done, but I had zero awareness of it at the time (or now, really). 

Decades later, (I know, decades, oh my god), I was job hunting and saw an internship for Laika entertainment, who make the cool stop motion animation movies, like Coraline. I sent a letter of interest, or whatever was required, I can't remember,  but I didn't have a reel, which was important, and just shared some sculpture photos and artwork pictures. I remember being really excited about the possibility, but nothing came of it

When I worked at Rite Aid, I eventually became the "photo person" which made the job bearable. I've been interested in photography since I was a kid, and taken multiple classes, and worked a student job as a studio photographer and flat copy photographer in college. However, to actually work as a photographer, or even an assistant? You have to make your own work as a freelancer, which is hard. I would have been glad to work in a commercial studio, but I had no clue how to get into that. It seemed impossible to find an existing job that involved photography or printing and developing of any kind, and that is why, out of necessity, I ended up as the manager of a Subway restaurant.

It's true that if you study fine art and expect to work as an artist, you have to learn a lot more than just how to draw or paint. When I was in college, computer art and digital art were not big things at all. They were much more of a niche category of study, but now if I could go back, I would put a lot more effort into digging into any opportunities to do that sort of classwork a lot more. It would have helped if I had a computer at the time too, but I was really happy taking photos and developing them myself (this was pre-digital cameras!). 

I would love to go back and tell seventh grade me what to do to prepare for her future!

Turkeys Off-Topic

 Turkeys abound in this area. It really challenged my perception of what wild birds should look like when we moved here. They are interesting and marvelous creatures to behold. 

That's the best photo of the ones we took. These two turkeys were real characters. They were first spotted in the road, then after I slowed down and passed them, they started to "bark" and "squawk" at us, and as I drove away they actually both began to run at high speed and chase our truck! Fortunately they aren't as fast as Emus or ostriches, and would not have "caught" us, but there was a moment of an ember of fear for a few seconds, because I don't actually know what they are capable of doing.

I made up a story that they are brother and sister and ran away from their pack because of irreconcilable differences (usually when I spot turkeys they are in large groups). On the way home from the store we stopped and Steve flung some bread out the window, which they inspected, then picked up and walked away. Then they came out into the street again and started "yelling" at us, so we took that as the cue to go away. 

I've been feeling blue lately, and these guys definitely cheered me up for a few minutes. Thanks, turkeys!

I have some more thoughts on past jobs and alcohol abuse/addiction, but that's too heavy a subject for now. I'll broach it again next week, when I have more mental energy, after the new moon and the lunar new year begineth. 😉

Queer Eye, Weight Loss, and Pomodoro

 Those are just things on my mind because I am playing a Queer Eye episode (the one with the family who live on their boat), have been thinking about weight loss a lot lately, and researching the Pomodoro method. I didn't feel like writing today, even though every time I write and post, no matter if I felt like it or not, I always feel a little better afterwards. It's like I accomplished something that no one told me I have to do, and I am glad I did it. It's not a big deal, but I have learned over the years of being in and out of depression and alcoholism and codependent abusive relationships, that it really is the "baby steps" that keep me going. It's also true that once I start writing I think of more things I want to say.

I thought of another couple of odd jobs from the past I think go with ones I have already mentioned (because of their lack of longevity, getting fired or quitting, or the minimum wage nature of them).

I don't remember how I got the job of applying labels by hand to tubes of oil paint at the Gamblin warehouse factory in Portland, but I can picture myself sitting at the table where I worked in the space, peeling labels off the roll, and smoothing them onto the paint tubes. I remember I was excited because I liked the company, but unhappy because of the boring, monotonous, repetitive task I was assigned. I remember feeling like the boss didn't like me and the serious look on her face when she was talking to me about needing to work faster. I only vaguely remember why I was let go from the job. I was probably late to work (because that was common for me at that age (20's)) but I also brought a friend from art school to see the space, because I thought a paint factory was so cool that I wanted to show it off; and I recall being lectured about how that was not okay.

I was probably supposed to get permission first, or (more likely) not do it at all ... it makes sense now of course, but at the time I was very unaware of what boundaries were—in practically every situation). I was able to buy some paints at a discount, before I got my #exit instructions, which was the highlight. I categorize this as a mostly shitty job, that I was not suited for and didn't like, despite the art connection, because I didn't learn anything. I might have worked there a few days, or a month, I can't even remember, but it was extremely short-lived. Some people fuck up and get fired from jobs, and I think that was the case with that one. I did it to myself, but it was based on ignorance and not thinking about it (or knowing any better), rather than any type of malice or intentional self-sabotage.

I have definitely worked jobs that I self-fired myself from by self-sabotage. That is harder to write about because it puts me in a memory of the years when I was not making good choices at all, and was definitely not being kind to myself. I don't know how I got the job to go into the office building where the fancy downtown hair salon was, and start their coffee and clean up early in the morning before they opened, but I didn't do it for very long before I stopped going. Nothing bad happened, I didn't lose the keys, or cause any damage, but I just couldn't keep up the consistent early AM while drinking too much the nights before. 

I think I could do a whole section on jobs I lost, never started, or messed up because of alcohol abuse. I once got a job at a cool little deli/cafe across from the public library, and I made some bad excuse to not show up the first day, because I was too hungover, and when I went in next to check the schedule, of course I had already been "unhired." Before I stopped drinking altogether, I remember doing a moral history/inventory of all the jobs, relationships, and classes that I messed up at because of alcohol affecting my physical and mental well-being ... and I was shocked that most of the things I regretted or wished I could go back and change, were bad memories because of alcohol being involved. That's messed up. I think people focus more on the bad things that happen when people get drunk, but not as much on how bad it is to try and function with a perpetual hangover. The two worst parts being sleep deprivation and dehydration, which are serious deficits to efficient brain activity and behavior even when alcohol wasn't the main cause.

It also affected things I will never know about exactly, where it wasn't a direct cause and effect, but a general influence on my character, mental state, and self-confidence. Such as my energy levels, and the way I presented myself, and conveyed my self-worth to others, and the way it stunted my growth because I didn't make time to learn "adulting" things like time management, financial responsibility,  and professional respect and organization. Peace & Love, and here's to learning to love yourself first, and the rest will follow. 💜