Untitled...
I keep saying first day because there are things so far each day that I have never done before, and I still don't know so many things that it still feels like the first day to me.
A coworker broke down crying and I gave her a hug to show I cared and because I cried the other day and wished that someone had given me a hug. She was working with someone with severe disabilities and had a really rough day. I can totally relate from last year.
I am still sleep deprived; getting used to waking up early, but I remind myself it's not five a.m. And I repeat, it's not five fucking A.M., which is when I had to wake up every day last year. Believe me, I am so grateful for that. And I plan one day to start doing yoga in the morning since I have 'time'. Yesterday and today I took a three hour nap before dinner and that helped me feel better. The meds I'm on for my back make me extra tired, and I think it's good self-care to allow myself to just avoid chores and sleep if I feel I need it. I'd love to go to the gym though, and swim, but I'm too t i r e d. Hopefully I will just go soon, and it will make me happy.
I definitely need to remind myself to go with the flow more, and not get stressed out because it simply won't help to worry.
Everything was disorganized yesterday. Or maybe it wasn't and I just didn't know the routine. But the class schedules were being given out in one place and then they moved them to a different place, without putting up a sign or anything announcing that...so I walked some kids over there and then had to ask a few people and finally made it to the spot. If they had stayed in the first location for an extra 15 minutes it would have saved at least 20 students a lot of confusion (and standing around waiting). To be fair, everyone has been pretty friendly and mostly nice as possible, so it's just the infrastructure I'm complaining about. Like how they assigned me a laptop but didn't instruct me in how to use it or what to use it for. Notes? Communication?
Most frustrating is learning the schedule, but I did a little better today than yesterday. I didn't take my breaks again, because I didn't know when they were, but the teacher said at the end of the day that I just have to take them. Just ... say you're going and go. I like having specific times, but I guess I can figure it out somehow!
I sat in on a few classes today and they were all the same.The teacher in front, desks in rows is so outdated. It's harder to hear and pay attention in the back. It's time to change and update it, for real!
It's really cool to see the kids getting to know each other. Some are more outgoing than others, and try to engage in conversation. I heard one say to another: So, hey, what sorts of things do you like to do for fun? And the more quiet person answered: Uhhhmmm....swimming. Then the first kid said: OH, yeah, well, I like skateboarding and bike riding and hanging out with friends and walking around town. Do you ever do that? And the second kid answered: Uhhhmmm....no, not really.
I found out today that those two specific bathrooms are locked a lot because it's been a place where students have gone to smoke pot.
Ah-ha. OMG, I had to go to more math classes today, and I was like, what have I done? Why am I in high school again? I hated high school (overall in general)!!
And I started to think of ways to not be there. Write my children's book, apply to work at Community College, move...There were some positive moments though. I am grateful to have a job, and to be learning. That's what I need to try and focus on. I'm proud of myself for writing here even though I have not felt like it at all. It's good to practice typing and it's good to talk about my feelings! PEACE!
P.S. There are now over 32,000 acres burned in Oregon state and it's going to be weeks before it is fully contained with help from Mother Nature giving us rain. It's been declared a high priority Nationally and firefighters are coming from all over to work. There were the first spots of blue sky peeking through in weeks today and I had forgotten what it looked like. Like that Doctor Who where they're on a ship with so many floors that it's different times on each floor...
No injuries have been reported and no homes or structures have been damaged so far, fire managers said. State officials said firefighters worked for hours to protect the historic lodge at Multnomah Falls, the state's highest waterfall at about 620 feet. Oregonian Article here
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