Art and Inspiration

It's really a shame that I didn't take advantage of having a free art museum membership when I was at school to actually set up in the museum and try to practice painting from the artwork there. Sometimes being shy is such bullshit. I say shy, I don't know if that's the term for it. Social anxiety? Caring what people do or think when you can't control it? Being self-conscious? I guess that's it.

So it was really great to go to the art museum the other day and have a nice time and feel like I still want to be a painter, I just need to do it. I miss it so much, but not the cleanup part. That's why I always wanted a studio space where I could leave all my messy art shit around and just take care of what I was working on. You know what my favorite thing I painted was, besides my life drawing (clothed figure drawing) in crayon and pencil was? And besides my drippy loose oil wash figure paintings on paper? And besides the Lautrec (Renoir?) four plate etchings? And besides the large format matte self-portrait 'scenes from a movie' stills (home invasion/abused)? It was definitely and undeniably the self-portrait as a Vermeer painting at the piano in oil, oversized. God, I miss having that big space to paint in even though it wasn't designated for me because of the stupid fucking rule about illustration majors not getting painting studio space. What kind of bullshit was that?? But did I complain loud and proud to whom it counted? No, so I never will know if a difference that would have made. Maybe not. Fuck. I also really enjoyed painting my sister's wedding portrait although it didn't turn out super fantastic, I enjoyed creating it.

So it was a good feeling when I got to join the women (they are all young women) in the afterschool art group to see what kinds of projects they were doing, and talk to them about their pieces. I thought about drawing, but I enjoyed talking to them, and I figure that maybe like the SMART program, it might just be a good thing sometimes to have someone (an adult who's not a family member) around to talk to or just to pay you some attention. They are smart gals doing some really interesting drawings and other multimedia work. Very nice to see! I wish I could work on the mural some more though. Just need to find the times when I'm not busy working and the teacher is there so the room is open. And hopefully, some of the students in the art club will be interested in helping complete it. I think that murals should be done by the people in the community if possible, and definitely are by their nature group projects. Yay! Peace.