Last Day

It's the last day of January. Too cloudy to see the supermoon. Hurt my knee. Tomorrow starts Black History Month. Doing two loads of laundry. Watching Steven Universe with Steven! Peace.

Toozdee

Two more days, then a day off, but I asked if I could go in to work on the mural for a while. I also want to tear out some of the old ads from the recycle/discard magazines and put them on black foam core. Today I got to help kids with the history final and boy did most people have some trouble with cardinal directions, which I can totally relate to...I also got to watch some analysis videos of Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal which is really amazing and I'm sorry I haven't seen it sooner.

I went to the vintage mall place again to get one of the sweaters I saw there for Matt from SHINE because he was so helpful and supportive when I was volunteering and when I got hired full time. We had talked about these sweaters from Ireland at some point and I said if I ever see one at Goodwill I will pick it up for you, but that was like two years ago and I never did see one at Goodwill. But then there are like four of them at the vintage place. For only forty bones, so that's a very decent price! I also got a small rug and a pewter mug, a large Fiesta serving fork and a nifty Kodak photo size paper cutter. Also a hardcover copy of  Dr. Seuss's The Sleep Book. Because it's a great book, in perfect condition, and brings back memories of listening to the record at night as a kid and not being able to actually sleep because it just made me yawn repeatedly. They are all great items, but the photo thing is the best. It looked rusty and dull but I tested it on a piece of paper I had and it went slice! right through, so smooth.

Then later, after getting a can of coke at the motorcycle shop (who knew they had soda pop?) and smokes and Smartfood at Plaid, I see how big the moon is and remember that tomorrow is the 'super bad blue blood moon' or something similar, so I take a picture and remember the phone camera can't handle that much moon, so then I remember our super generous neighbor who gifted us so much stuff when she moved out allowed me to have her fantastic 35 mm camera. So I checked it out when I got home which I hadn't done before (taken it out of its camera bag) and it has a cool telephoto lens and filters and other accessories...and I'm just so super grateful because I have always been sad about having to return my evil ex's dad's camera when we split for good, because I used it for all my photography classes and projects and knew how to use it really well. It was a Canon though, so this is a welcome fresh beginning back into photography. I'm excited. I need to get fresh film and batteries for it tomorrow.

The kids all left two hours early because of  finals and I had to find something to do so I decorated one of the blank boards in class with the little yellow paper pyramids the kids made a couple months ago and got a free/discard book on Egypt from the library and cut out some pictures (also a lot of books for me...two by Gary Paulsen (!) and two by James Herriot (those ones! that my sister read when I was a kid, so I wanted to read them too). Of course it felt a little wrong to carve up a library book, or any book, but it was for a good purpose and it's an out of date book anyway soooo... Peace.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday we watched a bunch of shows like Steven Universe and Burn Notice and took some stuff down to the consignment shop. I had the *bright* idea of getting a styrofoam head and spraypainting it to make it look cool to display hats on. I never imagined that it would make the styrofoam dissolve. It virtually melted and yeah...not great.

School was good. I went to say hi to my coworker in her new class and she was so unhappy that it was oozing from her pores. I felt so bad for her, but not to the point of volunteering to take her place. Should I have? I think that I perhaps should, but I don't have a direct incentive to do so and it doesn't feel 'right' to change classrooms again like I did last year, which was not my choice directly but very much turned out to be a positive for me.

Maybe I am subconsciously thinking that it will be advantageous for her in some unforeseen ways after she gets over the annoyance and discombobulation of being uprooted from her comfort zone. But that's not something I can know or should have any right to decide. The truth is that I think I am doing well in this class, as in helping kids every day, but also I think a lot of people would be very capable of doing my job.

It's so weird to me that I got paid so little at Fright Made (and other minimum wage jobs) when I worked so hard and did exceptionally well at customer service. Now I think of the students as my customers (not literally) and try to go above and beyond for them whenever I can. The difficult thing with education is that they need to want to learn to make it happen.

I found the kids in the SMART program were more eager to learn than most of these kids, but then again, those were the kids who were doing extra reading voluntarily. When one is working with kids who have behavior issues and learning disabilities it's really important to be able to present lessons and material in different and interesting (fun if possible) ways, and I don't know how to do that necessarily.

 I keep thinking someone is going to do some interactive teaching workshops for the groups I work with on innovative instruction ideas during one of those days they say kids are released early for teacher/education professional collaboration, but it hasn't happened yet. Could I start that?

You know, I hope I am making a little difference in someone's life because there are times like today when I feel like I am just helping a couple kids to do the bare minimum of busywork and I was more helpful some days at the drugstore when I found someone the correct vitamin and a coupon to add to it. I'm sure I did some things right today.

 I know I did. I was just feeling frustrated that I haven't been working on my kids' book since November writing month and thinking that if I do this job forever that I never will write and illustrate it. But guess what? From what I have read, many authors also work as teachers and they write around their work hours and during the summer. What I really need to do this summer is that, instead of stressing about fussing around working at summer school ( I did it last year because I didn't get that I would get paychecks during the summer from the school year. I still don't totally get that. How does that work anyway? And why didn't they explain it to me in the HR meeting I went to after being hired?)
ANYWAY. Short term plan: sell more stuff at consignment place. Long-term plan: put more effort into your book and artwork because you don't want to be that person who had good ideas but never followed through on them. For inspiration, take a life drawing class or a watercolor class, or any art class because you aren't going to stay good, or get better if you don't. Love yourself, be kind to others and do your best. Make good choices. Peace.

Shut the Front Door Fer Cryin' Out Loud

Oh man oh man. Oh, woman oh cat oh dog oh raccoon squirrel. School, school, school. Congratulations, you made it to another Friday. I was talking to the hall patrol monitor at work and he told a story very well. It was about how even when you're down, there's still a sunny side. The story was rather odd, but that was the moral of it. Apparently, there were twin brothers who were known as troublemakers. One day they ambushed a kid and took him into an empty classroom to inflict some damage uninterrupted. After they left him there to wallow in pain he made it out to report the incident. He explained that because he was on the floor being kicked he couldn't accurately identify his attackers, but he could describe their shoes which he got a pretty good look at while he was on the floor being kicked by them. So since they had an idea who was responsible, a lineup was planned. They arranged for the two scoundrels to be in a room and arranged the window blinds just so. On the other side they had the brave young survivor walk by to look at the suspects after being assured he would not have to see them face-to-face. As soon as he saw their footwear his reaction was unmistakable. He showed fear and decisiveness that it was them and they were suspended for their misdeeds.

We just watched a kids' zombie movie and had excellent pizza hut pizza, chicken, soda and brownies. It's good to eat healthfully but it's really good (emotionally) to have a cheat day. Make good choices. Peace.

Respite and Refute

  I don't even know what I've been eating. I really stopped keeping track after that first week. The death of our student and the depressing season have been weighing on me. And then we got informed that one of us would need to be moved next door. Well, today it was my well respected and kind-hearted co-worker who got the news that she would be moving to the other classroom. I was sad for her but glad it was her, both because I think it would be she who could be most successful there and because I think it would significantly increase stress for me, much in the way that moving from the one class to the other last year decreased my stress overall. Granted it sucked that the teacher left after a week and we had to have a much less experienced substitute whom we were teaching more than he was the students (or us), yet he was making about ten more dollars per hour than we were... I hope it works out well overall. I think when we had our student with whom she worked often, I would see her appearing harried and hurried, but never time to talk and rarely to stop for breath. So this may be a welcome change to a more calm environment, after she gets accustomed to it. I know that she really likes to stay busy though, and she is so helpful that I think if the teacher gives her lots of good projects to prepare for the kids and to teach them that she will win them over quickly.
 Meanwhile, a bunch of other stuff happened when I went for a walk after school to ostensibly get coffee and milk. Like I found out you can purchase grease by the cup at the Appliance store. And that you can find a Black Lightning action figure for seven dollars at the Vintage mall.
 I went back from lunch extra early so I could watch part of Blade Runner in the theater with the movie class, but I happened to see three boys trying to cut class as it were, leaving campus, and I had to say something. At least they turned around which was good, but then they loitered and cut back so when I went inside and saw Lydia I reported them and also the info that they had been smoking. Which was true, but I honestly would not have snitched if they had heeded my decree. Tbh, I wasn't really surprised they didn't. I mean, they didn't know me or respect me, and I wasn't speaking to them in a very authoritative manner. But then I guess the school is dead serious about kids bringing vape pens on campus so they brought them in and then had me come up from class via telephone to tell the VP what I saw and where. I let her know I wasn't a reliable witness (based on experience) but that I saw such and such for sure. Then I had some weird ideas that the kids would know I lived over here and would want revenge so even though I think that's paranoid and they should expect any school employee/adult to report them if they are not following rules, I still should probably take that long needed krav maga class, or re-take the women's self-defense. You know, just for Peace of mind. 😃

More Dumb News

They announced that one of we five classroom student aides would be transferred next door to the other classroom. I actually wouldn't mind going for a different experience but I don't want to be there for the rest of the school year, which is what it is. I have built some familiar relationships with many of our students and they would probably do fine without me, but maybe not. It mostly sucks because they had to transfer the lowest seniority gal from next door where she was really happy and doing amazing. I knew her from Summer school and she was really cool and great with the autism students. The kids in our class all have different levels of ability and disability but next door is pretty much all severe autism kids. Who are an awesome and interesting population of students as I know from most of my experiences last year, but who need a lot of patience and adaptation in teaching, and I don't know if I have enough experience to be supportive and successful over there. She wanted us to talk about it for some reason and then we'll find out tomorrow who has to go starting Monday. It's like...I can see there would be a lot of positives. It would be easier in many ways. Not as fun or challenging academically, but in different ways. My coworker who has been helping over there said it is really loud a lot of the time with vocalizations. I think the next door teacher should talk to us and tell us what the details are and who she thinks would be best. But they said no, it is already decided by some number crunching higher ups trying to rearrange things after our student passed away and therefore does not need our assistance any longer, God Bless his soul. If I am moved to that room I am going to assign everyone pseudonyms and describe all the interesting characters I work with every day. I just hope that they are all peaceful and not prone to meltdowns or violent outbursts like last year because although I survived that it damaged me physically and emotionally and I am still recovering. They should not put first year/inexperienced newbies in those classrooms. I still hear the repetitive voices in my head, both sad and searching for answers when none are available. Peace.

Fitness Challenge and Mourning Day

Our wheelchair-bound non-verbal student passed away on Friday morning. It was unexpected despite his fragile state of health and very traumatic news for all of us who worked directly with him in classes and for bathroom changes. I was able to be sent home by the vice principal and that saved me from having to be extremely sad around the other students and crying in public. I am very grateful that I was allowed (invited) to go home after receiving the shocking news. It is extremely sad, and we miss them very much.

There's a fitness challenge at work and the 'winner' (biggest loser) gets the money pot that everyone contributed to. I have lost nine p. which I thought was great until I heard others talking about their (much higher) weight loss. There are a few weeks left though so I guess I shouldn't give up quite yet.

It was Steven's birthday celebration this weekend and we went to a movie and dinner and swimming. Blue Star Donuts gave him free coffee and donuts too which was amazing and cool. They were very delicious. If only they had no calories I would eat them every day...

Peace and Love and take care of each other. There was another heinous shooting at a school today and children died. Reprehensible bullshit that there are guns that kids can get their hands on so easily. Also, Ursula K. LeGuin passed away today. As did the actor/dancer who portrayed Tinky Winky (the purple one) on The Teletubbies. I am very tired. Gotta get up to get down!