"In Laziness and procrastination..." Liz Miele

This will be a Short One

I don't feel like writing...

But I want to get something down.

Yesterday was the total eclipse and it was pretty fantastic. I really want to be open to change and figuring out what I can do differently to avoid past mistakes and frustrations before they happen. I want to try harder to focus on future goals while living in the present, but not be so overwhelmed.

I want to be less scared and intimidated and more confident in my abilities and experience.

More Pondering on the Past

My sister went to one year of private high school and then to the alternative school located at our local high school. We couldn't afford private school. I'm not even sure how she got to go for one year. But of course I wanted to do what big sister did, and planned on attending the School Within A School (S.W.A.S.) just like her. Unfortunately, or moreso at the time, tragically, that school dissolved before I got to start, and I was by default assigned into the general population of the large high school. I was gutted. I felt frustrated, insecure and lost at sea. If only I could have gone to a performing arts school in the city, like in Fame. Not that I was an incredible talent or anything, but I loved to sing, dance and perform. I taught myself how to juggle and ride a unicycle,  and would have fit in with all the other weirdo artists pretty well. S.W.A.S. had murals and let you paint your locker. I knew I would feel safe and comfortable there at least. But they closed. A Very dismal situation for me.

The regular high school offered two electives only, so you had to choose. I think that language should have been a requirement and not an elective, but it wasn't, so I chose to continue French since I'd already been studying it for a few years. I wish I had taken Spanish. Typing was not required either, as it really should have been, as well as computer class. So even though I wanted to do those things, I had to choose, and of course I chose art. I don't know what school would let you take art and computers and drama and sports and typing and study languages, but I wish that I had gone there instead. I am suffering (as it were) to this day, from lack of keyboarding skills. And if I had the impetus to be fluent in Spanish now I could be making quite a lot of money just for having bilingual skills. The high school I worked at last year offered ASL as a language class. How fucking cool is that? Seriously cool. I had to wait until I went to University to take that. Well, that's what I thought, so that's what I did. I should have taken it at the Community college, but I simply had no clue...

Well, I hope that writing about what I didn't do or what went wrong helps me to somehow not only make peace with the past but to do better moving forward. Thank you for listening, God Bless! ; )