Questions to Ask

Am I clear on what I want?

AM I WORKING TOWARD A GOAL?

Am I doing what I can to achieve my dream?

 Lao-Tzu author of the Tao Te Ching, Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism: "You already hold the answer to life's questions. At the Center of your being you have the have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." That is so very profound and can be asked and applied to almost any situation at anytime in your life.

(From a post by georg-grey/blogspot.mx)

More ruminations on certain situations

Growing up, my mom loved tennis and taught me to play early and got me lessons and I excelled at it and really enjoyed playing. Mostly by myself. On the backboard. There were a couple people to play with at middle school, but that was it. So I'd get really good by myself by practicing backswings and serves repeatedly. Here's the thing. When I finally had a chance to join a team, it was in high school, but I was in love with drama and the practices conflicted with rehearsals. This was a bad decision on my part. I didn't have the foresight or the intel to make a good decision at the time. I had just turned fourteen and was just entering a high school I didn't want to go to. And it goes back to who you know and the questions you ask, as well as bad or uninformed counselors. I not only would have been much happier on the tennis court, I most likely would have excelled at competition (I really liked winning) and been a successful player on the school team. Ultimately it could have possibly led to a college scholarship. I knew none of this information at the time.

I was always interested in theater and films, and after some positive success in grammar school and middle school productions, I thought I was bound to continue on that road. I didn't know it would be different in high school and not nearly as fun. If I could counsel my younger self I would say to do theater on my own and use school time to do athletics, and ceramics (because they had the pottery wheels) because those could lead to scholarships and were good for me to build strength and confidence. Whereas in drama I just ended up feeling insecure and ignored...

I did join swim team first year, and won a meet! Or is it heat? Anyway, that was cool. But it was such an isolated sport. You're alone in the water and can't really work as a team. I suppose you can't in tennis either, but although I was a strong swimmer, I was not only strong at tennis, I also knew a lot about strategy from watching and playing for so many years. Then I skipped a year of sport, probably to try more drama, I really didn't want to let that go. Even though the theater director had strong favorites and wasn't going to cast me in anything, I enjoyed the rush of trying improv and being incorporated into the sketch variety shows. I always liked comedy and joking and trying to make my friends and family laugh. 

Junior year, after a lot of tragedy and trauma in my home life, I thought I would join soccer with a few of my friends and just have fun. I liked taking out my aggression on the field, running and tackling to get the ball away from the other side. I never was that skilled or fast, even though I was on a first place team when I was in fourth grade, that success wasn't really my doing, but I was super proud to be a part of it. I did end up getting a letter for playing sports, but it felt like a consolation prize. I just wish I had played tennis from day one, and stuck with it all the way through. You know, I might have felt weird or awkward joining tennis when I only had a wooden racket and the other kids had expensive graphite or aluminum ones. That makes sense because I was embarrassed sometimes at being poor. It was tough being the poorest people in the wealthiest county. 

But you know what? I would take my old self to the thrift store and find us a modern racquet for cheap. Or, you know what else? I would say, fuck any haters, they'll probably accept me anyway, I'm good with my Martina Navratilova wooden racquet with leather wrapped handle. This is my sword, my weapon, my Excalibur. And I dare any of them to be as good as I am with it. To be as good as they are with their $150.00 Wilson's. The ones with the head so big, you can't ever miss. With a giant sweet spot for beginner babbies. I bet I would have kicked ass at high school tennis.

Not too strangely, I didn't even consider playing softball. I played for three years on rec. leagues inspired by my dad's passion for baseball but became disenchanted by two things. I wasn't, as a female person, allowed to play baseball, only softball, and the pitches were so fast and intentionally bad sometimes, that I never got on base. I really loved practices. I liked scrimmage, and playing first and third base. I wanted to try being a pitcher and a catcher, but the coaches' kids always got those positions oddly enough (haha). So it stopped being fun for a lot of reasons, and even though I still loved playing catch, and whacking a sweet pitch, I wasn't going to set myself up just to be disappointed. Then again...it probably would have been better than drama!! At least I could have had the camaraderie of the team and support (maybe) of the coaches. And who knows, it might have been better than my earlier experiences. But, those balls. I really hated those big fat balls.