Last Day

It's the last day of January. Too cloudy to see the supermoon. Hurt my knee. Tomorrow starts Black History Month. Doing two loads of laundry. Watching Steven Universe with Steven! Peace.

Toozdee

Two more days, then a day off, but I asked if I could go in to work on the mural for a while. I also want to tear out some of the old ads from the recycle/discard magazines and put them on black foam core. Today I got to help kids with the history final and boy did most people have some trouble with cardinal directions, which I can totally relate to...I also got to watch some analysis videos of Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal which is really amazing and I'm sorry I haven't seen it sooner.

I went to the vintage mall place again to get one of the sweaters I saw there for Matt from SHINE because he was so helpful and supportive when I was volunteering and when I got hired full time. We had talked about these sweaters from Ireland at some point and I said if I ever see one at Goodwill I will pick it up for you, but that was like two years ago and I never did see one at Goodwill. But then there are like four of them at the vintage place. For only forty bones, so that's a very decent price! I also got a small rug and a pewter mug, a large Fiesta serving fork and a nifty Kodak photo size paper cutter. Also a hardcover copy of  Dr. Seuss's The Sleep Book. Because it's a great book, in perfect condition, and brings back memories of listening to the record at night as a kid and not being able to actually sleep because it just made me yawn repeatedly. They are all great items, but the photo thing is the best. It looked rusty and dull but I tested it on a piece of paper I had and it went slice! right through, so smooth.

Then later, after getting a can of coke at the motorcycle shop (who knew they had soda pop?) and smokes and Smartfood at Plaid, I see how big the moon is and remember that tomorrow is the 'super bad blue blood moon' or something similar, so I take a picture and remember the phone camera can't handle that much moon, so then I remember our super generous neighbor who gifted us so much stuff when she moved out allowed me to have her fantastic 35 mm camera. So I checked it out when I got home which I hadn't done before (taken it out of its camera bag) and it has a cool telephoto lens and filters and other accessories...and I'm just so super grateful because I have always been sad about having to return my evil ex's dad's camera when we split for good, because I used it for all my photography classes and projects and knew how to use it really well. It was a Canon though, so this is a welcome fresh beginning back into photography. I'm excited. I need to get fresh film and batteries for it tomorrow.

The kids all left two hours early because of  finals and I had to find something to do so I decorated one of the blank boards in class with the little yellow paper pyramids the kids made a couple months ago and got a free/discard book on Egypt from the library and cut out some pictures (also a lot of books for me...two by Gary Paulsen (!) and two by James Herriot (those ones! that my sister read when I was a kid, so I wanted to read them too). Of course it felt a little wrong to carve up a library book, or any book, but it was for a good purpose and it's an out of date book anyway soooo... Peace.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday we watched a bunch of shows like Steven Universe and Burn Notice and took some stuff down to the consignment shop. I had the *bright* idea of getting a styrofoam head and spraypainting it to make it look cool to display hats on. I never imagined that it would make the styrofoam dissolve. It virtually melted and yeah...not great.

School was good. I went to say hi to my coworker in her new class and she was so unhappy that it was oozing from her pores. I felt so bad for her, but not to the point of volunteering to take her place. Should I have? I think that I perhaps should, but I don't have a direct incentive to do so and it doesn't feel 'right' to change classrooms again like I did last year, which was not my choice directly but very much turned out to be a positive for me.

Maybe I am subconsciously thinking that it will be advantageous for her in some unforeseen ways after she gets over the annoyance and discombobulation of being uprooted from her comfort zone. But that's not something I can know or should have any right to decide. The truth is that I think I am doing well in this class, as in helping kids every day, but also I think a lot of people would be very capable of doing my job.

It's so weird to me that I got paid so little at Fright Made (and other minimum wage jobs) when I worked so hard and did exceptionally well at customer service. Now I think of the students as my customers (not literally) and try to go above and beyond for them whenever I can. The difficult thing with education is that they need to want to learn to make it happen.

I found the kids in the SMART program were more eager to learn than most of these kids, but then again, those were the kids who were doing extra reading voluntarily. When one is working with kids who have behavior issues and learning disabilities it's really important to be able to present lessons and material in different and interesting (fun if possible) ways, and I don't know how to do that necessarily.

 I keep thinking someone is going to do some interactive teaching workshops for the groups I work with on innovative instruction ideas during one of those days they say kids are released early for teacher/education professional collaboration, but it hasn't happened yet. Could I start that?

You know, I hope I am making a little difference in someone's life because there are times like today when I feel like I am just helping a couple kids to do the bare minimum of busywork and I was more helpful some days at the drugstore when I found someone the correct vitamin and a coupon to add to it. I'm sure I did some things right today.

 I know I did. I was just feeling frustrated that I haven't been working on my kids' book since November writing month and thinking that if I do this job forever that I never will write and illustrate it. But guess what? From what I have read, many authors also work as teachers and they write around their work hours and during the summer. What I really need to do this summer is that, instead of stressing about fussing around working at summer school ( I did it last year because I didn't get that I would get paychecks during the summer from the school year. I still don't totally get that. How does that work anyway? And why didn't they explain it to me in the HR meeting I went to after being hired?)
ANYWAY. Short term plan: sell more stuff at consignment place. Long-term plan: put more effort into your book and artwork because you don't want to be that person who had good ideas but never followed through on them. For inspiration, take a life drawing class or a watercolor class, or any art class because you aren't going to stay good, or get better if you don't. Love yourself, be kind to others and do your best. Make good choices. Peace.

Shut the Front Door Fer Cryin' Out Loud

Oh man oh man. Oh, woman oh cat oh dog oh raccoon squirrel. School, school, school. Congratulations, you made it to another Friday. I was talking to the hall patrol monitor at work and he told a story very well. It was about how even when you're down, there's still a sunny side. The story was rather odd, but that was the moral of it. Apparently, there were twin brothers who were known as troublemakers. One day they ambushed a kid and took him into an empty classroom to inflict some damage uninterrupted. After they left him there to wallow in pain he made it out to report the incident. He explained that because he was on the floor being kicked he couldn't accurately identify his attackers, but he could describe their shoes which he got a pretty good look at while he was on the floor being kicked by them. So since they had an idea who was responsible, a lineup was planned. They arranged for the two scoundrels to be in a room and arranged the window blinds just so. On the other side they had the brave young survivor walk by to look at the suspects after being assured he would not have to see them face-to-face. As soon as he saw their footwear his reaction was unmistakable. He showed fear and decisiveness that it was them and they were suspended for their misdeeds.

We just watched a kids' zombie movie and had excellent pizza hut pizza, chicken, soda and brownies. It's good to eat healthfully but it's really good (emotionally) to have a cheat day. Make good choices. Peace.

Respite and Refute

  I don't even know what I've been eating. I really stopped keeping track after that first week. The death of our student and the depressing season have been weighing on me. And then we got informed that one of us would need to be moved next door. Well, today it was my well respected and kind-hearted co-worker who got the news that she would be moving to the other classroom. I was sad for her but glad it was her, both because I think it would be she who could be most successful there and because I think it would significantly increase stress for me, much in the way that moving from the one class to the other last year decreased my stress overall. Granted it sucked that the teacher left after a week and we had to have a much less experienced substitute whom we were teaching more than he was the students (or us), yet he was making about ten more dollars per hour than we were... I hope it works out well overall. I think when we had our student with whom she worked often, I would see her appearing harried and hurried, but never time to talk and rarely to stop for breath. So this may be a welcome change to a more calm environment, after she gets accustomed to it. I know that she really likes to stay busy though, and she is so helpful that I think if the teacher gives her lots of good projects to prepare for the kids and to teach them that she will win them over quickly.
 Meanwhile, a bunch of other stuff happened when I went for a walk after school to ostensibly get coffee and milk. Like I found out you can purchase grease by the cup at the Appliance store. And that you can find a Black Lightning action figure for seven dollars at the Vintage mall.
 I went back from lunch extra early so I could watch part of Blade Runner in the theater with the movie class, but I happened to see three boys trying to cut class as it were, leaving campus, and I had to say something. At least they turned around which was good, but then they loitered and cut back so when I went inside and saw Lydia I reported them and also the info that they had been smoking. Which was true, but I honestly would not have snitched if they had heeded my decree. Tbh, I wasn't really surprised they didn't. I mean, they didn't know me or respect me, and I wasn't speaking to them in a very authoritative manner. But then I guess the school is dead serious about kids bringing vape pens on campus so they brought them in and then had me come up from class via telephone to tell the VP what I saw and where. I let her know I wasn't a reliable witness (based on experience) but that I saw such and such for sure. Then I had some weird ideas that the kids would know I lived over here and would want revenge so even though I think that's paranoid and they should expect any school employee/adult to report them if they are not following rules, I still should probably take that long needed krav maga class, or re-take the women's self-defense. You know, just for Peace of mind. 😃

More Dumb News

They announced that one of we five classroom student aides would be transferred next door to the other classroom. I actually wouldn't mind going for a different experience but I don't want to be there for the rest of the school year, which is what it is. I have built some familiar relationships with many of our students and they would probably do fine without me, but maybe not. It mostly sucks because they had to transfer the lowest seniority gal from next door where she was really happy and doing amazing. I knew her from Summer school and she was really cool and great with the autism students. The kids in our class all have different levels of ability and disability but next door is pretty much all severe autism kids. Who are an awesome and interesting population of students as I know from most of my experiences last year, but who need a lot of patience and adaptation in teaching, and I don't know if I have enough experience to be supportive and successful over there. She wanted us to talk about it for some reason and then we'll find out tomorrow who has to go starting Monday. It's like...I can see there would be a lot of positives. It would be easier in many ways. Not as fun or challenging academically, but in different ways. My coworker who has been helping over there said it is really loud a lot of the time with vocalizations. I think the next door teacher should talk to us and tell us what the details are and who she thinks would be best. But they said no, it is already decided by some number crunching higher ups trying to rearrange things after our student passed away and therefore does not need our assistance any longer, God Bless his soul. If I am moved to that room I am going to assign everyone pseudonyms and describe all the interesting characters I work with every day. I just hope that they are all peaceful and not prone to meltdowns or violent outbursts like last year because although I survived that it damaged me physically and emotionally and I am still recovering. They should not put first year/inexperienced newbies in those classrooms. I still hear the repetitive voices in my head, both sad and searching for answers when none are available. Peace.

Fitness Challenge and Mourning Day

Our wheelchair-bound non-verbal student passed away on Friday morning. It was unexpected despite his fragile state of health and very traumatic news for all of us who worked directly with him in classes and for bathroom changes. I was able to be sent home by the vice principal and that saved me from having to be extremely sad around the other students and crying in public. I am very grateful that I was allowed (invited) to go home after receiving the shocking news. It is extremely sad, and we miss them very much.

There's a fitness challenge at work and the 'winner' (biggest loser) gets the money pot that everyone contributed to. I have lost nine p. which I thought was great until I heard others talking about their (much higher) weight loss. There are a few weeks left though so I guess I shouldn't give up quite yet.

It was Steven's birthday celebration this weekend and we went to a movie and dinner and swimming. Blue Star Donuts gave him free coffee and donuts too which was amazing and cool. They were very delicious. If only they had no calories I would eat them every day...

Peace and Love and take care of each other. There was another heinous shooting at a school today and children died. Reprehensible bullshit that there are guns that kids can get their hands on so easily. Also, Ursula K. LeGuin passed away today. As did the actor/dancer who portrayed Tinky Winky (the purple one) on The Teletubbies. I am very tired. Gotta get up to get down!

I had a dream...

I forgot that on Martin Luther King Jr. Day long weekend I also hear an amazing talk on the radio by his daughter, and it made me think of my dad in a way I had not in a long time. He was a fun dad and played with us all the time, which was great, but meant neither of our parents was strict as I needed.

I had a dream I was half sleeping in a car ride going along a coastal area near Washington. And I was in a store looking at picture frames for Steven's Pickle Rick photo I printed yesterday. School was a little chaotic yesterday but fine. It was nice out then pouring down rain and I didn't go out but did the dishes, some knitting, and some of the brain teaser cards we have had for years but I've not used. Listened to the My Favorite Murder podcast starting from the beginning (eps. 1 and 2) and decided I need to get some pepper spray and a sharp-eared keychain like the one Georgia recommends on the show. Peace.

Toozdee

I don't 'feel' like writing today. School went well mostly. I heard great interviews on the radio yesterday with John Lewis, congressman and a speaker at Martin Luther King Jr.'s I Have a Dream speech, and Dr. Melba Pattillo Beals , one of the Little Rock Nine. Stay Safe out there. Peace.

Not Sure

I knew I missed Friday, but I'm not sure how I missed Thursday too...I guess things went alright because I am more prone to want to write when something stressful or negative happens. There's a fitness challenge at work so I put in five bucks and got my picture taken and weighed in at 218.2 pounds. Whoever wins the most gets the pot of gold at the end. I would like it to be me, so I went out and did some rare jogging and hit some tennis balls against the wall. Steve was willing to play with me but the tennis court gates were locked, which I had never seen happen before.

I polished the engine of the car Steve is donating to All Classical radio station for a tax discount and put the things we are going to take to the 'store' to sell in the van for transport. We were going to go there today but instead went to see Jumanji and then to Sushi Hana. The movie previews were looking very fuzzy so we went and got new glasses and got back just in time for it to start, but then it was messing up in the beginning and thankfully was fixed because it was 3-D and that was really annoying. Either someone went and complained as I was about to do, or they figured it out some other way. So afterward I thought I should ask for a coupon for popcorn or something but the manager gave us two free tickets instead and that was very excellent of him. We used the gift card that Deb neighbor gave us for Xmas, so that was really groovy too.

The credits said that the movie was based on amazing illustrator Chris Van Allsburg's book, but I think it should've said that it was based on the original Jumanji movie, with Robin Williams.

Now I'm watching Mudbound by Dee Rees based on the true story of two different families, one white, one black, in the Southern U.S. in the thirties and forties; I'm hoping Steve is watching it too, but he's on his phone playing or watching video games.

I made cupcakes and decorated them with green leaves and red roses and gifted them to our new neighbors (tried to gift them to other new neighbors but they didn't answer the door, so the next day I brought them to the other family who I knew were home.)

Anyway, our president is a racist asshole and people are trying to figure out how long he will last.
It's a three day weekend to honor Martin Luther King Jr. and for that I am very grateful. My back still hurts and I need to keep doing yoga and stretching and getting massages, which I have been very lax on. I really wanted to punch something when Steven wouldn't communicate clearly with me about a couple things I wanted to talk about, but it might also be that I am cranky because I exercised so much and have not had many cigarettes today and also did not sleep in this morning as much as I would have liked.

I miss the great young adult/kids' books I used to find out about and read because of the bookroom volunteer job I used to do. Peace.

What's Up Wednesday?

I got to see part of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai today and it was so good. I need to see it again all the way through. It's called a masterpiece for a reason!
It was a good day, I made myself do some stretches in the morning which I haven't done for a long time and I got some positive feedback on the part of the mural that I got to paint the other day. My super nice nurse coworker brought me a loaf of great bread which I had for lunch and after school in a grilled cheese sandwich. I need to get her a coffee to thank her!
A student I work with was super extra stubborn when I asked him to try to work on an assignment but after doing some other related things like watch some video clips of the tech conference, he gave me some partial answers. Then he wrote both that he loved me and that I was a b****, but he spelled it quite creatively. Then he wrote every swear word he could think of and he wasn't doing it angrily but just to express himself and maybe get a reaction from me. I just corrected his spelling with a smile.
The teacher had me do an assignment where I got to do some drawing as an example for the class and it just reminded me I need to sketch more.
There was a very, very disturbing news story about sexual abuse in disabled person living facilities and I just simply do not understand why any male workers would be allowed to work around female people with disabilities in an unsupervised environment. I just watched a Law & Order SVU episode with some similar subject matter and it reminded me of how we need to take better care of our fragile and helpless citizens.
Yesterday I was going to do some chores but I just slept and watched a lot of new shows and Steve brought home delicious Happy Panda food which we ate while watching NCIS. And Bull. And Lethal Weapon. And Black-ish, and L.A. to Vegas. So many shows. Anyway, I made up for it tonight by only laying down for a short nap then turning on all the lights and doing a lot of cleaning and organizing to get ready for the landlord inspection that's supposed to be Friday. They do more inspections then I have ever had in any apartment I have lived in. It's very invasive and annoying, but it made me decide to clean for a minute, so that's an upside. Peace and Goodnight to all.

Hey Hey Monday!

School was fun, school was hard, I got to paint on the art mural for a couple hours. Peace!

Sunday

Friday did go as well as Thursday overall and Saturday we went to the honors band concert that was really impressive, then went out for Subway and Starbucks and got crickets for the geckos then came home and watched some episodes of AfroSamurai which is really good.

Last night I dreamed that we had a sort of pet tiger, but it may have been a jaguar or cheetah, and it had three little cubs when we let her outside. They were very small, but then when I picked them up to hold they became bigger like the small cub in the Lion King. I wish I could see that live musical one day. Maybe it's on TV. That's all for now. Peace! P.S. I will write a list of Resolutions for 2018 sometime soon...

First Day

The first day back went great in my opinion. I told myself to be confident and friendly, and just be myself. I tried to stay back and not be pushy or annoying; like when I saw a couple of different female students they gave me a hug but when I was going to hug the gal I read with she was like ugh, so I backed off immediately. I greeted almost everyone I saw with a Good Morning and a Happy New Year! I tried to be aware of my surroundings and avail myself to help those who needed it without hovering. I got to have an actual casual conversation with our teacher for, I think, the first time. She seemed more chill after the vacation. I think we all were. And most of the kids were a little tired. I got to read with the student who I am working with a couple times a week which I really enjoy, but I think we should start to mix in some nonfiction so she can learn about a topic too. That's what we did in the SMART reading program, alternating fiction books with Nat Geo books about dinosaurs, snakes, birds, bears, sharks (very popular), oceans and NASA/astronomy. They were books we could read in the thirty minute time though, and she and I have been mostly reading chapters in longer books like Wonder, and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in the 20 minutes we have... I hope tomorrow goes well, as well. I have to share later what I read in an art book today because it was seriously disturbing... Also, I thought today was Monday off and on all day (it's Thursday). Also, I did keep my promise and went through and deleted almost all the emails yesterday, even though I put it off until last. Also, I worked on Deb (neighbor's) painting some more. Drawing, rather. Well, in the drawing stages anyway. I want to eat more soup. And salad. They are both delicious and usually nutritious. I think I am beginning to ramble, so I say Kon bon wa and

平和

Heiwa

Last Day

So, let's see...today I spent in my pajamas and binge-watched Doctor Doctor (Australian show), answered the door to the evangelists and said I was sleeping and God Bless you and take care, gotta go!... finally drew a little on Deb's brother's picture I was supposed to do over a year ago. Now I have to check the e-mails. I hope it doesn't take forever, but since I've been putting it off for so long it probably will. Back to school tomorrow! I may be assigned to a different class, they announced on the last day of school that one of we aides would need to move next door to Ms. Lane's class which is more like the one I was in at the other high school because they don't want to hire a new person for it.
Updates tomorrow! I've been remembering my dreams more and thinking about writing them down, but I don't know. Christmas ham (from Honeybaked) is 75% eaten now. It's very good. Peace! :)

Penultimate Day Off

I did laundry ALL DAY. Well, I didn't even get up til after 11, so all day means about five hours plus some. There's only one washer and dryer so I did several consecutive loads, keeping the dryer going the whole time by adding quarters and taking stuff out as it was dry (the dryer is pretty good so things never take a whole hour on high setting). I listened to many episodes of My Favorite Murder podcast and a few old episodes of The Talking Dead podcast. I both am and am not looking forward to returning to work. I'm probably not alone in feeling that way. Steven had to go back today and he survived, so that's good! I just wanted to write that little bit to get back into the habit of writing again. Happy New Year. Peace!

More...(phone note introspective)

Sometimes I just want to cry. To sob. About all the sadness and pain I have had that has not been addressed or satisfied or acknowledged. Sometimes I want to hit something hard, to feel something strong that I know I can attack and that can't attack back; (Though as I told a girl at school, when you punch a wall, it will hurt you but not hurt the wall...) so I guess I'm just imagining that either my hands are magically un-hurtable, or that I'm wearing boxing gloves.

Maybe I used to use alcohol to help me feel and let out all the powerful emotions I was afraid to show...because where can you scream and yell and sob and sound like an animal? (There should be a place where you can drink {OR NOT} and do that as long as you want. Just a soundproof pod. Then you can nap. Instead of doing that in a shower or in a closet, as I have done. You need a safe protected place. And if there can be bottled water and snacks left for you that would be even better.)

On a sports field? In a sealed room? In a ... what...competition? I think that was a factor in my super dysfunctional relationship. I always said you should be able to learn from and grow with your partner, but that wasn't the case. I used to say he thrived on conflict, but I must have got some positive something (vibes? endorphins?) from yelling back and forth. I don't think I enjoyed the arguing or the put-downs or non-sensical logic, but maybe the primal aggression.

This is the kind of thing I wish a therapist could help me unravel and analyze, because I definitely wouldn't have thought that I would have stepped into and stayed in that sort of situation willingly. Fuckers.

But I really do need an outlet for myself. Something challenging and awesome. I think Krav Maga and becoming a self-defense instructor for the women's program via the Portland Police Bureau would be great.

I must have 'achieved' some immunity to harsh words during that time. Because some kids in the high school say some really mean things to me and I'm like "meh" (though K definitely made me cry last year), and it never feels good to hear "you're wrong, go away, etc." But my mom had to hear that from me, didn't she? But, I'm able to mostly ignore it. Mostly. The teacher made me cry before though. Fuck. Anyway. I still get a really good vibe from the students in our class and other classes who return high fives and fist bumps, smiles, and hellos! So I need to remind myself to focus on the positive. Which is something I would tell the kids anyway, right?

More... (phone note thoughts)

"Remember how the CAF (working for several months in the school cafeterias) was fun but almost constant work (and not allowed to sit down of course). What I am doing now is still hard work, but it is more brain work and is less repetitive. It's still not as educational (for me) as I think I would like it to be...but a job doesn't mean you get to be a student anymore. Though as I say I want to learn something about being a better teacher, I know it is not as easy as it is in my imagination. I think I could change that by reading more on my own. And going to therapy. And writing more, drawing more (taking life drawing)."

"Journal" (Class Question)

What is your biggest mistake in life so far? What do you wish you had done differently? Okay, so I have half a journal filled with answers to this question, but here's what I wrote on December 7th as my first response to it. "One of my biggest mistakes in life so far was not focusing 100% on college instead of focusing so much on my boyfriend. I wish I didn't spend all my savings on going to Jamaica when I could have used it for a scooter or a new bicycle. A mistake that I regret is not cleaning my room and organizing and cleaning out the garage when I had opportunity to do so. Also, I didn't fight hard enough to repeat my junior year of high school, which was a depressive-sad-black-hole time that I awakened from eventually. I don't know how I could have done it, but I needed to get people on my side to fight for me... Another regret I have is not getting help or seeking therapy after my dad died. I thought we were too poor and I didn't know how to access information about services.

Random Non-Fiction

One of my favorite things to do is to lay in bed and read fiction. It's an image of contentment and cozy security while my mind goes on a vacation filled with adventure. I think that I must have inherited this combination of homebody-ness and desire for interesting quests and challenges from my parents who were both afraid and boldly brave at the same time. They did amazing things but despite all their love they somehow failed to instill that intrepid confidence in me. I think I could have learned it if I had kept up judo class or some other martial arts. But I remember getting hit hard in the chest (forming boob area) by a boy in the class and got really turned off by the whole thing.

Improv Comedy Ideas

After the acting class did a sort of improv game that had most people stumped I came up with a lot of ideas that I thought you could put in a hat and have people choose if they needed a prompt: it's based on if you start with one person, like on Whose Line is it Anyway, and improvise something with an imagined prop perhaps, and then someone can come in and someone else can tap in and take over...So here are some ideas I wrote down: "Who's next? What can I do for you?" (at a return register, DMV, pharmacy, etc.) "I'm sorry, sir you're card was declined..." (at a restaurant, department store, etc.) "Hurry! They're here! We need to hide!Where's you...(laser gun, etc.) weapon? Here, do you know how to use a (gun, banana, etc.) "It's your serve!" (hold racquet or paddle) "Sing I"m a lumberjack song." "Here are the details you asked for on the ..." (new job applicants, war-peace treaty) "You look tired Mr./Madame president..." "It works better if you use clay instead of jello." "Do you know why I asked you to stay after class?" "So you want two dozen roses and what else?..." "Welcome to (Domino's/Pizza Hut, etc.) how may I help you?" " And ThAT'S your mission if you choose to accept it!" "Wait. You're better off riding THIS horse. He's slow." "And you sprinkle on the (salt and pepper) to finish, and Voila!" (on a cooking TV show segment) "The secret to a good author portrait for your book is to look mysterious..." (holding camera) or "The secret to a good Instagram photo is to hold the camera above your head instead of below..." (demonstrates) "This is Katy Mc Cullough with KRON4 News on the scene of Hurricane Lana and we have heard there's 50 mph gale force winds approaching and most people have already evacuated; Excuse me ma'am? Are you planning to evacuate? What are you doing out here in a swimsuit??

Long Ago (and not so Far Away)

Now, before I get too far into the new year and have to go back to school, I'm going to put my notes here, otherwise, knowing me, I never will. And I want to write because writers write. And I want to draw because artists work at their art. So I keep telling myself, and then not doing those things. I'm going to just transcribe my notes (several pieces of paper folded up small in the drawer) with as few edits as possible so it doesn't take ten hours. If it gets too long I'll break it up into separate entries.

Something I miss about California at my old house is that there were a lot of places to hide outside: in the tree in the backyard, in the tree down the road...until they cut down the tree in the back and I got too big to climb and hide in the cork tree. But if you walked up the hill or down the creek you could find a nook or a spot where you could lay down and curl up in the tall grasses or behind a bend in the creek bank and be by yourself.The cool breeze and warm sun were my companions in sadness and tranquility.

Here's the Monkey Garden from The House on Mango Street, this small excerpt reminds me of The Secret Garden which I used to love so much....and the hiding places in the park under the huge Willow tree and the mass of camellia bushes. "And then I don't know why but I had to run away. I had to hide myself at the other end of the garden, in the jungle part, under a tree that wouldn't mind if I lay down and cried a long time." And on feeling ashamed and embarrassed: "...I wanted to be dead, to turn into the rain, my eyes melt into the ground like two black snails...I closed my eyes and willed it, but when I got up all I had was a headache."

The Year of the Dog

Happy New Year's Day!!!