Good Job Hunting

      I just realized that in a couple of weeks I will have been unemployed for one year. This awareness brings many connotations and questions along with it; such as: am I employable? Am I doing something very wrong on my applications? Am I trying hard enough? Do I even care? These are ideas I think I should spend some serious time contemplating instead of treating them as passing thoughts with no significant relevance. Oftentimes you need to be your own therapist and ask the tough questions in order to get to the root of your debilitating mental blocks that may be stopping you from accomplishing your goals in life. The hardest part may be figuring out what the right questions are ... and being willing to be self critical enough to take responsibility for the choices you have made that led you to where you are today. Here's a scene from the film Good Will Hunting where the main character played by Matt Damon is asked by his court appointed therapist played by Robin Williams: "What do you want?"

      I haven't checked my e-mail for several days, and there may be something relevant waiting for me there, but I did receive a voice mail (several days after it was sent–reminding me of my miss/fail with the post office interview) from a temp/seasonal position I applied for a week or two ago with the City. I don't even know what job it was; I should really write these things down; I just know I had a flurry of motivation and determination one day and went on an online application spree, and applied to at least six jobs, one or two of which were for the City. I called the person back and left a message apologizing for missing their call and asked that they please call me back (on Steve's phone this time) if the position was still available. Meanwhile, I have a car that needs fixing, an apartment that needs cleaning, and e-mail that needs checking. And ... questions that need formulating; and answering.

Still Sweating but with Mom's Blessing

Before I begin, I should update briefly. I had an interview about a month ago for a special education teaching assistant position. It was a great interview, and the Human Resources person was a very cool lady who treated me with respect and a sort of gentility that I found calming, however I was still nervous and not very confident and am not surprised I did not hear back from them. Several months before that I had gone through the rather rigorous application and testing process required to work at the local post office. It offered very good pay and a location I could easily walk or bike to, but after not hearing anything for a couple of weeks I sort of gave up/forgot about it, and thus missed/ignored the call which was a message asking me in for an interview... the previous day. I screwed up.  I felt depressed. I wasn't sure what my problem was. I decided to try and rethink what kind of job I could see myself really doing, and how, if at all, my artist self and past education and experience fit into that picture. That's still happening... I am surviving on food stamps and the generosity of others, mainly Steven, who pays rent and utilities with his unemployment insurance. Finally my frustration started to evolve into determination and I got to work trying to get to work.

 I was on fire yesterday. I perused the internet for several hours and found jobs for myself, Steven, and our friend Adrienne. I applied to three or four online immediately including a library assistant position. I felt like I had accomplished something! I had mixed feelings when I decided to apply for a job at McDonald's, because while I was growing up it was an ongoing insult/joke purported by teachers, comedians and parents alike that if you weren't that smart, or didn't do well in school, you would "end up flipping burgers" or taking people's drive-thru orders. Of course that is complete bullshit; but the stigma persists.

There are hundreds of skilled labor jobs for which you aren't required to have any specific higher education credentials for, just training and certification, and those are also looked down upon by some of the intellectual leaning, four to eight years of college obsessed folks, even though the pipe fitters and general contractors and electricians of the world are often extremely intelligent and doing quite well financially, thank you very much. But the service industry, especially fast food (unlike fine dining of the upper echelon), has always been known for their unreasonably low pay scale; which is something I hope is slowly changing; creating a sort of general disregard and disrespect for what is arguably a very physically and mentally demanding profession,

 I exclaimed aloud while completing the (easiest) application ever, (except that they expected an hourly to annual salary wage conversion, which I had to look up) : 'what would my mom think? She would be so disappointed.' But I just thought of it as a lark instead of an actual effort to become employed there, and carried on despite my misgivings. That night I woke up from a dream actually crying because I had met my mom again and we hugged for a very long time, and I knew that she was proud of me whatever I did, as long as I was doing my best. I knew she was saying: You can work at McDonald's, it's okay honey, everybody has to eat, and every artist needs a day job, and I won't think any less of you. It was an amazing feeling. I believed in a way it was my own psyche imagining what I wanted to hear, and at the same time that she is an angel who wanted to ease my pain and remind me how much she loves me.

To be honest? I think it would be fun. I've worked a ton of fast paced food service jobs including Subway Restaurant, just not 'fast food' in the sense that is Micky D's. I have heard that they are paying people a more liveable wage than they used to because of so much backlash and protests that even full time employees aren't getting by and need food stamps. We will have to see about that. The aspect I had some qualms about was the part of the application that disguised itself as a multiple choice questionnaire but was really a psychological examination. It consisted of more than eighty click and choose options consisting of different versions of the same questions. It was also timed, and you were advised 'not to think too much, but go with the answer you feel more strongly agrees with your personality'. I only had the insight to grab a screen shot on the last page of questions before it timed out:

From my limited knowledge of psychological testing and other reading I have done, it seemed as if they were attempting to screen for types of autistic traits, along with possible management potential. There were sets like: I am very messy, but I know where to find things when I need them, versus: I sometimes find myself not really caring about what others are feeling. And: People come to me when they need advice, versus: I like working with a team, but also do well on my own. Because of the pairs they offered for comparison, it was very difficult to discern if a particular answer was what they wanted to hear, so you had to just make a (sometimes arbitrary) decision and move on.

Anyway, I wish continued good fortune (hard work brings good luck, they say) to all the job seekers out there, and a Happy Easter and Happy 420 to everyone on this special day. On an extra special note, I decided to start a volunteer term at Free Geek, which starts next week, in hopes of gaining some valuable experience and making myself useful to the community for awhile. I should also mention that I have not been completely lethargic. Although not fulfilling my self proclaimed blog promise on a regular basis, I have been taking some free online classes through Canvas education, including a Walking Dead sociology course, a Google Ninja computer class and a Creative Journal writing class. So. There's that. That's a good thing.