El Es Es/Te El;De Ar
LSS =Long Story Short. (But it never is. Like in this South Park clip)
TL;DR=Too Long;Didn't Read. (Because I am aware I over explain. )
If I needed further proof of my nearly professional level of procrastination, it's clearly demonstrated here, since my continual promises (to myself) to post on even a semi regular basis have gone totally unheeded. The biggest problem with being a serial procrastinator, besides being late a lot (+missing deadlines and opportunities altogether), is (unintentionally) frequently lying to people you care about.
I have read that professional writers go to retreats and essentially lock themselves away somewhere free from distractions. That makes a lot of sense if the pros share any of the procrastinatory tendencies that I, a total amateur, possess. If there's nothing around but your project, then that's what you work on. But if there's a messy apartment, and chores to do, and internet ... well, then.
Often it is incomprehensible to me how I can show such determination and be so stubborn about some things, and yet exhibit classic delaying tactics for tasks I claim to enjoy and want to pursue. Because of course there have been times I have accomplished things and challenged myself when I was really motivated and psychologically ready. This dichotomy is very frustrating and personally, quite depressing.
It has been said that things are not nearly as scary or intimidating as you imagine them to be, but we all build up these mental walls around certain things and challenge ourselves to climb them, when it wasn't ever really necessary. People also quip: You get out of it what you are willing to put into it. So the rewards are commensurate with the work and effort. Despite knowing this, I just can't get a good grasp on what it is exactly that I am supposed to be accomplishing, or where to focus my energy. The irony is that when I was completely unemployed, without immediate prospects, I said, 'Well, now at least I have time to write and make art! No excuses besides looking for meaningful work!' And didn't do much at all.
However, here I am again; I haven't totally quit or given up, so judgment aside, I will continue my saga. Since I last wrote, I have had lots of positive experiences, so I will work backwards in a way, starting with those, and then describe some of the earlier, more sordid details and failures next time.
I had so much fun doing kid's face painting as a volunteer at a school field day that I started daydreaming about doing it as a job. I finally put in the effort and completed a portrait of my friend's mom who had passed away almost three years ago, and presented it to him. I finished the year out as a S.M.A.R.T. http://www.getsmartoregon.org/ volunteer, even taking on an extra day when someone dropped out. This was a fairly big deal for me since I often quit or flake on responsibilities. I even added a volunteer day in their book room (I think I have mentioned I used to want to work in a library/school environment, and this came pretty close to perfection, even though it was unpaid). I did my requisite forms and minimum ten shifts (to qualify to continue the next year) as an unlicensed substitute with an organization that provides subs for the public school district. And, finally, I applied and interviewed to teach pre-fabricated art classes to kids and did that for three days a week.
Despite being so busy all Spring, I ended up gaining a lot of weight, mostly due to needing to drive to the teaching and subbing locations, rather than my usual bicycle mode of transportation. So I essentially gained back all I had lost last Summer when I was biking an hour each way to Walmart. So now I am watching a lot of Extreme Weight Loss reality TV and Body Positive Yoga. https://www.youtube.com/user/bodypositiveyoga
I feel that if I watch enough shows like this, eventually I am bound to get motivated to move.
Alrighty then chaps, that's it for now. Cheers.
