HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Today I wore my costume of Goodwill purchased hospital scrubs and "bloody" head bandage. Sort of a zombie and sort of a victim in the hospital. Most people had a positive reaction to it, and I was kind of chuffed about that.

I have since showered and changed (since I had a whole mini can of blue hairspray in my hair!) but I hope that we get a few more trick-or-treaters than last year when we had only two or three. PEACE.

Yup, yup yup yup yup...!

Writing on time for once in a long while. Watched some auditions for a student-directed school play. They were pretty good, but b-o-r-i-n-g. Partially because I didn't have a script so I couldn't read along, and partly because it was a play and not a musical, so no singing auditions: 😔

I don't know if this is true, but I am hoping that doing some editing and minor instruction in the basic literature (writing and reading/English class) is going to help improve my own writing. And that helping my student in theater class practice and perform scenes is going to help me become more dramatic/comedic and less afraid of having stage nerves.

I met the same girl twice when I was walking with other kids to places. She asked me for directions and I felt confident after this much time to help her find her desired locations, but the first one stumped me until I asked three other students and the second one I was better with but not 100% on.

She was a transfer student and I really wanted to help her because I was so lost when I first arrived, and also because she shared her story with me of having health problems and needing to move and switch schools.

I miss practicing and playing ukulele. More to come... PEACE!

Oh Hey There!

I am rather ashamed that I continue to iterate that writing is one of my favorite things yet I am becoming so inconsistent. I keep saying this. I don't know how to become better. It's so difficult to become a regular writer if I don't do it every day. Anyway. I'm going to transcribe my notes from the past few days, with some additions since I didn't take notes all weekend.

Weekend. The weekend consisted of some serious bra shopping and taking the bikes to the shop, and going to the homecoming dance, and going out for sushi lunch, and lots of sleeping. And a little drinking too. I also got my friend some more birthday presents and stashed them away for when her bday approaches.

I think that attending and participating in drama class is good for my confidence/self-esteem. And I'm not sure, but I also believe that it's good for some of the kids to see another 'adult' participating and interested in the theater program. I wish the director would utilize me more, but maybe he needs to see that I am available and interested in helping out. Or maybe he is so used to doing everything himself that he needs to learn to trust and delegate. Hopefully, it will become easier and better as time goes on.

I had noticed that one student was sans socks for several days and one day I remembered that we have a clothes closet available to kids and their families, so I took him there and we got him many pairs of socks. That felt like a successful mission. I also remembered to give a couple of kids some treats for extra credit behavior, so that was good too.

The weather has been chilly, but as pretty out as the nicest kind of Summer day. Except for yesterday, when it was rainy and last night when it was so windy that several sections of town lost electrical power...

There was a very amazing school assemble with lovely musical performances. I was really impressed by the singers, and think they could do well on any of the television talent shows.

So, we got some fishes. And I thought how cute! But then I found out from the pet store fellow that they can live up to eight years? What? I was really surprised.

I got some super cool stamps at the post office the other day: The Snowy Day, Bees and Flowers, and Jimi Hendrix. I love stamps.

A nice gal in the gas station bought me a lighter so I wouldn't have to give the guy a twenty for 99cents. That was really nice. Later I sort of paid it forward by giving a traveler guy from New Orleans a pack of cigarettes. And then another guy came up and offered him and myself a hit on his purchased pre-rolled joint, and I hadn't smoked in so long (since that time I accidentally rolled a teensy bit of pot into my cigarette and had to go to work a tiny bit stoned! Yikes.) that I seemed to get more and more high as I walked the rest of the way home and had to go to my haircut appointment very stoned. Which was sort of difficult and weird. I ended up fine because Steve was able to drive me to and from the salon.

I really want to learn how to use my Go Pro camera and upload the videos to YouTube. That is the only point in having that camera! I really need to do this somehow! How do I do it???

Do I need an i-Pad or can I use my new Surface pro that I rarely use?

I finally decided that after three weeks I'm probably not going to find my ID just sitting around somewhere, so I asked our nice secretary for the number to call and they said I just needed to send them ten bucks, but I only had a hundred and the accountant wasn't in to change it, so later I walked to the convenience store and got some stuff up to the counter but she said she couldn't change it, so I walked to the game store and bought a pretty awesome foam Zelda sword and a Rick & Morty wallet for Steve for Xmas (or his bday in January) and got change that way. Yay. Will order my ID tomorrow.

Even though there are still terrible after effects of the natural disasters in the United States, the biggest news lately is about sexual abuse and harassment. In Hollywood. Like serious shit. Serious.
Be kind to one another. Peace.

Choir and Contemplation

Continued from before, regarding the math pedagogy, I know I have a really good math instruction book I got at Goodwill somewhere, but it might be better to find some good clear worksheets online. There's a ton of great teaching material on the internet and I just need to decipher what is best to start with in the maths area ...I'm more versed in English and reading and writing, but that's okay.
But that's why you should get your kids a toy cash register and practice counting money with them. It was really hard to watch that kid struggle thinking so hard and then guess an answer that was not close. I wasn't even supposed to help because it was an assessment  (not graded) to gauge the class level for future lessons (there are less than ten students) but he was asking another student to copy his answers so I thought it was better if I tried to help him figure them out and understand than to cheat...
It appeared that he didn't even know the concept of a quarter being twenty-five cents and that four quarters equal a dollar. And I'm so old and removed from the process of learning this for the first time that I don't remember the way I was taught. I'm quite sure it was with my dad before I could even read...my dad did more math and writing stuff with us and my mom focused more on art, reading, and language. And of course, I had so many jobs like cashiering involving money and making change and counting, that I learned to reinforce that skill. Not that I am great at counting in my head, or even that I have retained the knowledge. In fact, I tend to make simple math problems more complicated than they really are, or need to be, so that's another reason why I need some instruction on how to teach math before I attempt to do it and confuse students. Being a good teacher is great, but being a lousy teacher is worse than not teaching at all. You get my drift.

There's some absolutely beautiful Autumn weather here now. It has been very foggy in the morning and then burned off to a bright blue sky shining on lovely leaves of different shades of yellow, orange, brown, red and green.

I got to see my first school choir concert and there were a lot of people in it from drama who I recognized. I got to sit near an art teacher and her two little boys who were very entertaining, shouting out Bravos and Whoo-hoos as they applauded the performers.

Good night.
Peace.

Zombie Apocalypse

I'm not saying I believe in the possibility of an impending Z.A., but if there was, I wouldn't mind being in our school library. It doesn't seem that vast or dense but there's some high quality and interesting stuff, like medical encyclopedias and histories of witchcraft and a book about essayists, and a decent poetry section. I'm not sure how long it would take to read all the books in there, I guess it would depend on if I got tired of reading and did other things like art projects and writing. I think the point was that even though I love books and want to read them and look at them whenever I see them, I don't really read that often despite having several books checked out of the library and others borrowed from the drama department. I want to take them home and read them, but when I get home I just want to sleep or watch TV or relax or do chores. But if I was essentially locked up in a place with a thousand books then I could read and read and read peacefully without any distraction. Except for possible zombies. And I hope that I would read for education and not just entertainment because there would be no great lasting benefit otherwise. Peace and love. Go read a book! Muah!

Tues-Wed.

I don't totally understand how Wed is short for Wednesday. Well now. I just went to look that up real quick and found out some answers from someone's blog:

 https://britishisms.wordpress.com/2012/04/15/weds/

Good news! Fantastic news! Great news! The phone was found! I don't know where or how exactly, but I was so happy and relieved. I brought the security lady a flowering plant that we got at Safeway the other night, which seemed to make her happy and that made me feel happy. There was a reason I hadn't planted it yet! It was meant to be a gift for someone special. It was only five bucks too... whereas the cut flowers I got for another teacher awhile back were about thirty dollars! Rip-off...!

So again yesterday I skipped writing in favor of sleep, although I did go to a volunteer fundraising job which took a lot of energy and lasted a few hours. But I also didn't maintain my "no Twitter until I write" rule yesterday or today. That's why I'm still writing this pretty late at night.
I did a little exploring and found out there is a single solo restroom near the staff luncheon room. I was glad I didn't have to do a number two, because I didn't notice until it would have been too late that there was minimal t.p...
The staff room is really nice, but it doesn't have any coffee or tea or snacks like in the mail room at the other school. Speaking of mail rooms, there isn't really one here, it's just envelopes in file folders. I do miss how the leadership program kids at the other school were always doing projects to build people up, like posting motivational notes in the bathrooms and writing thank you notes to the staff and putting them in our mailboxes.
When a student I was working with got back from the bathroom he announced he just took a 'big poo'. I wasn't fazed, but I don't know if he was just sharing that or trying to gross me out, because that is something he might be prone to do. He commented that it's disgusting, I replied it might seem like that but it's just what is left after your body absorbs all the vitamins and nutrients it could use, and it's almost always some shade of brown because that's all the colors of your food mixed together.

A teacher gave out some very basic money math word problems and I was expecting some kids to have difficulty with translating them into mathematic equations, though not to be seriously stumped; they were addition and subtraction solvable. But one student was severely daunted by every problem. The concept of using subtraction to figure out how much money you would have remaining after you spent a certain sum seemed to be beyond his understanding. I tried to explain it in several different ways but without knowing what he already knew and was capable of comprehending, it was hard to assess the best way to instruct him. Money math can be fun and is a great real-life skill to learn, so I hope we can figure this out. It's just frustrating and perplexing to think he got to high school without absorbing any of the basic ideas of when to use subtraction. I thought at first the word problem aspect was the confusing part, or that there are so many ways to say subtraction (minus, take away, difference) but even when I rewrote it in number form he was bewildered. He didn't get that the number indicated after the decimal was the change and the number before the decimal was the dollar amount. Which means he never learned ones, tens and hundreds places in their correct order. So I guess that might be a good place to start!

I was correcting papers in the library and blanked on the spelling of the word exercise. I saw a kid spelling of it with a 'z' and I wrote it like that too. I knew it wasn't right so I went to find a dictionary but I couldn't locate one. I asked the librarian and she looked too, but no. It turns out they don't have any hard copy dictionary books anymore. Huh. Broad City tonight had a great tribute montage to famously powerful and strong activist women, I highly recommend it! Peace out! :)

Thursday-Monday 5

Bwahahahaha.

Today was "pajama"(what an odd looking word that is, eh?) day at school for 'Spirit Week' and because I rather could not do it last year, this time I took full advantage of it and wore my favorite old flannel p.j.'s with the Frosty the Snowman design that Deb upstairs gifted me long ago. I got some weird looks and some compliments and that's fine. It looked funny and strange perhaps, and I appeared rather plump and dumpy, but it was so very comfortable and therefore I spent the day mostly content in my own inner skin and outer sleep-wear.

Tra-la-la-la-la.

Ah. Before I get too tired I want to write a bit about the weekend, because some interesting things occurred! I'm just going to list them for the sake of brevity. Steve brought home two beautiful little Beta fish. Bought a bunch of stuff at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Ordered our train tickets to Seattle (and places for our bikes too)along with hotel reservations and printed confirmations on the new printer (had to figure out how to use it along the way). Bought advance tickets for Star Wars to send to our little neighbor friend (who moved away last year) for Halloween and his birthday. Went to the gym with Steve and he worked with his trainer while I did a lot of jogging and stretching and some slow swimming. Biggest accomplishment was doing all the laundry, which was a fair ton. Watched The Walking Dead premiere. Wrote a sort of descriptive essay (as the students had been assigned to do) in my head about the swimming pool while I was relaxing in the jacuzzi. I may write it down sometime, I don't know, but I wanted to sort of challenge myself to see if I could do what the teacher was asking of them. She did say I had legible handwriting (I was going for that of course), did a nice job of making comments and suggestions as I was editing their drafts and told me later that she decided to have me also work in her second writing class as well, which is really great I think! 

Poor lad.

First thing when I got to school today I was regaled with a story by one of the kids about a very scary experience he had of being picked up by the police on the side of the highway where he was walking. He was interviewed and patted down and placed in the back of the police car. It was just a case of a series of unfortunate events. He didn't have the foreknowledge that the public transit went back the way he had come from and didn't know how to travel any other way so he started walking but found himself in a place where no pedestrians are allowed. He didn't know his parent's new phone number by heart, his own phone had died and he was either too shy or too proud and stubborn to ask for directions or to borrow someone's phone. He said several people had called to report him walking along there, which was good in the end of course, and that there was a female police officer which made him feel a little less intimidated by the cops, who he has a predisposition for not liking. I was glad to hear that it happened during daytime and that he was respectful to the officers because he's a very polite kid, but being in that situation can engage one's fight or flight instinct if you're unused to interaction with LEO's, even if you've done nothing wrong. Which is what happened to me years ago...He admitted he considered running for a minute and I know he's glad he didn't, because they drove him all the way home. And even if he won't admit it to his friends, the cops were nice people. But it begs the question, should we teach these kids who have a variety of disabilities that can affect how they behave and communicate how to deal with the police? Should we tell them to announce to the cops that they are in special education programs? Would it help the officers to understand them?

Well, that was several hours of on and off writing, with some tele, but zero Twitter, so good for me. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Peace, Love, Goodnight.

Thursday-Monday 4

Arrrgh.

How much more do I need to write? My three favorite blogs that I used to read religiously were: Violent Acres, Waiter Rant and The Bloggess and I am pretty sure that they only posted once per week. I think it's important for me to try and maintain a daily writing regimen though—until I either write the kid's book I keep talking and thinking about or become a better typist. Or, you know, both!

Last week was 'pink week' at school although it's breast cancer awareness, i.e. pink month the entirety of October. So I wore a cute pink knitted cap from Winco every day and then gave it away on the last day because really, I wasn't going to wear it again. One of my favorite (you know what I mean!) kids lost her cell phone and I felt so bad for her. She is learning disabled and I just couldn't sleep thinking about how she wasn't going to ever get it back. So I got up and composed an e-mail to send out to everyone at school with more details and about how I felt that even if someone found it and didn't turn it in that they might still be bringing it to school and could we not be on the lookout for someone who all of a sudden has a new phone? But I never sent it, and I am glad now because it was really a noble (ish) but futile effort. And may have just made me seem quite odd to the entire staff. I mean, I am rather odd, in a proud to be silly and weird way, but I don't want to breach the protocol that I have not fully navigated as yet. You have to learn a lot about everything in this particular work environment on your own and by word of mouth because there is so much they don't tell you.

Stories.

I was helping a great kid write a story about Willy Wonka he wanted to make up and he very politely complimented both my handwriting (printing) and my cursive script. I was pleased as punch, but more belatedly aware that that would be a good teaching moment opportunity because it probably meant that he was interested in having equally nice handwriting or learning cursive himself. I did instinctively recognize it in the moment, just not in so many words, as a time to at least do some probing to see if they were interested in learning more, but didn't want to turn our creative story time into a handwriting lesson, and it was also on my mind that he might become resistant if I pushed too much or if he felt that he was not as good as I was. I  showed him how to draw a proper cursive lower case letter 'n' as well as the basics of Roman numerals (that came up for a different reason as we were naming the pages in his chapter book).

Art.

If anyone told me this during art school then I don't remember it because I swear I had no idea you could have a career painting portraits in the 21st century. Or I would have done it. TBC/PEACE

Thursday-Monday 3

As You Do.

I was intending to attend the play opening night, and I do wish I had in order to compare it to the next time I saw it with Steve, but I came home and laid down for what turned into a six-hour nap. It was, for real, a most excellent nap. And I still slept well that night, so I needed it. The weather turned very stormy and maintained its gray skies and pouring rain almost the entire weekend. I woke up extra early and borrowed Steve's debit card and car to go to Plaid Pantry convenience store to get some breakfast burritos and cigarettes (yep. still smokin'.) and beverages (orange juice for Steve and hot Earl Grey tea [I'm not sure why that's the only tea offering they had, but I like it, so...] and Coke zed for me). We had an (Earthquake!?) emergency disaster drill at school and had to crawl under desks then go outside to our meeting group points.

Writing.

I love writing. I think it's influenced by seeing my mom writing a lot when I was little, receiving positive feedback for my writing when I was younger and keeping a journal in high school and beyond; I also love writing letters and have always been a faithful correspondent. So when my teacher (i.e. manager) asked me to read the submissions for the class assignment and 'edit' them for grammar, punctuation, spelling, sentence structure and clarity, I was absolutely pleased to do that. I think I may have written too many notes, as I am prone to do, so I should be aware of that, as well as making sure that if I suggest that they re-word segments that I'm not obscuring their voice by making severe changes. Some years ago one of my favorite customers at Rite Aid brought me a piece of his writing to read and I thought he would be pleased if I made notes and suggestions (basically critiquing and grading his creative work) but he most definitely was not. I was a teacher before I knew I should try to be a teacher. Did you know that I used to have recurring dreams of being in school? And with only a few exceptions, these dreams have ceased since I have begun actually working in schools on a regular basis. It's so weird that it seems to take me years to figure out what it takes other people only weeks or months.

Wow.

I was somewhat sternly confronted by a coworker about not touching her stuff. I at first had no idea what she was referring to. Long story short, she had left her cell phone on the desk I was working at and I foolishly took a selfie with it. She was 100% not amused. She's not a stick in the mud, but we obviously have very different senses of humor. Her seriousness about the issue and the fact that she didn't say anything at the time but waited (and stewed? passive-aggressively?) until the next morning to mention it to me says a lot to me about her personality. Maybe she will get something positive out of the experience, like being more cautious where she temporarily abandons her phone...but anyway, I apologized as sincerely and profusely as I could so that she would have confidence that a repeat offense should not occur. It just threw me for a mental loop. I am sooo relieved that this person isn't my boss.

Thursday-Monday 2

Going Home.

I don't know if I've mentioned lately how grateful I am to not have to drive to work anymore, but I absolutely am ten million percent extraordinarily grateful. Too much? But seriously. All the things last year of the early morning ice and fog and rain and snow and just the darkness; then there was the back pain and the bus rides and the getting lost sometimes. I'm not happy that Steve's car died like it did, but I am very glad it is my excuse to not drive. It would have been so much better at this place though because from the get-go they set up a rotating schedule to share the responsibility. So I was particularly grateful the other day when I was able to come home for lunchtime and surprised myself for needing to poop and was so very glad I could do it at home, with my wet wipes, and in my own space. It's not cool to poop at school, though I have done it (last year, where there was a choice of single-stall bathrooms in the office area. That doesn't exist here.).

Internet.

There was a handmade sign up at school for a history or sociology class pointing out how few people have computers in the world. It's a massively misunderstood concept that 'everyone' has a computer, not to mention the internet. Anyway, there's a program where students can get free internet if they need it, and I was glad to be able to help a couple kids figure out where to get the forms and how to fill them out. I don't love filling out forms, but I've had to do so many hundreds of them in my life that if I can help make it less complicated for somebody, then I really enjoy doing that. 

Reading.

One does not really think about reading when one is doing it; when you know how. But when you're reading with someone who is not proficient, it is often surprising what words they find difficult and which ones they easily soar through. Comprehension is a different story. When I'm helping a student practice reading, we are mainly focused on pronunciation and confidence. Sometimes I will stop them to explain some concept or meaning I think they will find foreign or antiquated, or to make certain that they understood what transpired in a passage, but mostly it's just a time for rehearsal and one on one attention while they read aloud, which they perhaps infrequently or even never get the opportunity to do outside of school. So we were reading 'Corduroy the Bear' and he had difficulty pronouncing the name of the titular character. I gently corrected them the first few times and then just allowed them to say it however they saw it because moving along was more important than getting that one word correct.

TBC/Peace.

Thursday-Monday 1

Ketchup.

In a class one day a teacher handed out some copies and after they began the lesson a girl signaled me over and pointed out the word 'catsup' and said it was misspelled. I thought oh, ah-ha, I need to find a simple way to explain how she is both right, and yet it is also a correct spelling of that word. Later I happened upon a Twitter argument (more like a somewhat heated debate) about the exact same thing.

Backing up.

I blew off writing lately because of a few reasons. I was extra exhausted, I was doing more or less well in school, so there wasn't as much conflict, which often inspires writing (I'd like to change that), and I wasn't following my rule of no Twitter until I write. Twitter seems pretty innocent compared to Facebook as far as a time-wasting vortex, but for me it can become a time suck, sometimes several hours deep. Speaking of wasting time, there's a cool new UK TV show called Timewasters, about some twenty-something guys (and one gal) who are musicians and find a time portal to the 1920's. But Twitter is a big distraction. Like I was listening to a Walking Dead podcast earlier, and I really wanted to tweet to the podcasters (Bald Move) about how South Park just did a show on what they were discussing and made fun of Netflix originals and how they're green lighting 'everything and anything'.

Catching up.

I'm just going to transcribe my phone notes until I decide it's enough, or I finish... SO... going back to Thursday. Two kids cut class and it created a little hubbub. We aides had an informal lecture from a district vision specialist on how to help us better work with our visually impaired students. Someone showed me a great online typing game that I want to try. It was the opening night of the school play, but we didn't end up going until Saturday for the matinee. It was a very top-notch performance and production. We bought about $25 worth of candy to help support the thespians, and are going to use it to give out on Halloween (what is left of me sneaking into it at least.)

Obstacles.

Here's one of the biggest problems with taking faux shorthand/abbreviated notes and expecting to understand them later; one of my notes says: "chicken substitute arson pants adjustment"...??????

TBC/PEACE

Wensdee

I really don't feel like writing/typing tonight, but I took notes, so I will catch up tomorrow. Peace.

The Day Before Tuesday

We had nice subs today. Decided to do a different scene in acting ao student could have more lines. Nice person brought in bagels and I had one half with this flavored whipped cream cheese and it was so good that I made another one and after two bites I remembered we had a toaster in the cupboard and I could have toasted it and it would have been even more delicious and then all of a sudden the one I was eating didn't taste as good as it had before I had that thought.
I worked on a coloring page to remind myself of being calm until I needed to help kids with their assignments. After school, I went to return the very late library book and Grady DVD that I got a notice for yesterday, and on the sale shelf I saw Katharine Hepburn's autobiography titled Me, which I bought for a dollar, which I just happened to have because I brought two dollars in quarters so I could buy a pop at the Falafel shop. I still got to buy a pop because they were a dollar. Coke zed out of a can tastes better than out of a plastic bottle for some reason. There is a photo of Katharine Hepburn on the back jacket among a montage of her riding a skateboard! I wish I had seen that years ago, I might have kept skateboarding. Remember when Kate Jackson went skateboarding on Charlie's Angels? Pretty cool. That's probably what made me get that Big Red skateboard from the blue chip stamp office when our dad let me choose what I wanted.
So? Still watching Mindhunter. Very true and very creepy, but good dialog and music and period scenes and sets. Fincher directed.
When I was in the library I overheard a gal say 'I love these! I read the heck out of them when I was younger!' and I was so curious I interrupted and asked what they were and I had never heard of them! The Adventures of Geronimo Stilton! Now I want to read them someday. Get some rest. Peace.

Sunday

There was a sheer moment of contentedness after we had healthy Veggie Grill lunch and delicious frozen yogurt. It was an extended moment of peace and calm brought on by nutritious food and a feeling of safety. A moment submerged in the opposite of stress. Almost as soon as I mentally acknowledged it and put those feelings into words in my head, the moment passed.

Steve took a nap in his car while I was putting laundry in the van and the sun looked bright and felt so warm that I lay down a towel right there in the parking lot and read my Gary Soto poetry book. I could hear Steve gently snoring in his peaceful napping place and I was reminded of my dad who used to frequently take naps in his Volvo out in the driveway. He didn't have a bed, he slept on the sofa with leather cushions, and I guess he just enjoyed the comfort of reclining in his car. I always wished that we had bought him a La-Z-boy recliner that he could relax or sleep in, but we never did.

We went to the gym for a yoga class but there were so many people there that we just did some on our own and Steve showed me how to use some of the machines that he used with his trainer.

Twitter is awash with news of bombings, fires and sexual assault allegations and stories. It's very depressing. So I try and think about it to be aware and understanding of what's going on in the world, and then try to balance that knowledge with something peaceful if possible. Like working on some self-improvement activity such as reading a book or cleaning up my environment...

I did very few things on my list of things to do this weekend. But that's okay. I am okay. Steve had the great idea of buying some new underwear rather than doing laundry. We went to Ross where I thought I lost my favorite glasses two weeks ago. I asked about them again and it turned out they were tucked in a plastic pocket in the fitting room vestibule and the woman said she thought they belonged to an employee. I was really confused why they couldn't find them last time I was in there, but was grateful to have them returned to me. I got men's briefs that are very similar to women's because they looked comfy and were super cheap.

I'm watching a highly applauded new Netflix show called Mindhunter. Lin Manuel Miranda said he liked it a lot. It's about the early days of the BAU (as in Criminal Minds on TV) in the FBI. About studying the motives of serial killers and the antecedents to their mental health turning the corner into aberrant behavior.

Peace.

God Bless Saturday

I didn't plan on it, but I ended up sleeping for hours today. I woke up at a pretty reasonable hour and made ramen for Steve and omelet for me. Then I farted around and Steve went to the cafe to read. Well, first he was a champ and put away dishes and took out the trash which was heavy because I had attempted to clean out the ancient fridge stuff.
I was preparing to start my to do list when our neighbor friend Nora asked for help to hang up posters and canvas neighbors for her lost kitty Gabriel. I helped her by taking out her trash and recycling because she broke her ankle on the sidewalk out front. I don't advise suing in general, but I think she should sue the city or apartment. I also got to walk her dog along a trail for a while and that brought back good memories of when I would take Harley for walks in the woods and talk to him and pretend we were having adventures.
In the evening We went to Nora's and watched Atomic Blonde and ate delicious spaghetti she made. Steve brought over a bottle of red Chianti and a pretty little kalanchoe (Flaming Katy?) flowering plant and it was very pleasant. Except for poor Nora being in lots of pain because of her ankle. Peace.

Terrible news still coming in: California wildfires have ravaged and decimated over 90,000 acres. 35 people have been listed as fatalities. In Puerto Rico, where severe weather flooded the island weeks ago, most of the country still has no clean water or electricity and 45 fatalities have been reported.

Finally Friday

Another good and bad day, mostly positive, so I suppose ... a normal regular day.
We got to do a cleaning and organizing project, which I enjoy when it's not my stuff. My stuff is mostly paper clutter and it's difficult to tame the paper dragon when you have as much as I have collected.
There was a thunder and lightning storm which was cool.
I got to read some of my Sherman Alexie book.
Also watch some of The Sixth Sense movie.
At night Steve took me to a play.
Sad stuff: I missed out on reading with my student because I had to go do something else so they read with a different person. I think I disappointed them. There was a miscommunication with the other teacher and she didn't remember that I had to leave at a certain time.
Our main teacher is good about having a meeting and talking about students and how things are going, unlike my teacher last year. That makes me feel more confident. I hung up some more play posters and that was really good because more advertising helps. But they really need to put things on their big announcement board. I need to talk to someone about that. They did an awesome job at the other school of putting current events on their sidewalk view sign.
I hope to have a peaceful and productive weekend. Peace.

Almost Fridayyy!!!

Some really great stuff happened today and some really terrible stuff happened.
When I used to have odd days off like Tuesdays and Thursdays, or Tuesdays and Wednesdays; or when I worked seven days a week; the 'weekend' ie Saturday and Sunday, meant nothing to me, and it was sometimes annoying when customers would say something about the weekend, assuming it's the same for everyone. But now, Fridays are Fridays and the weekend is what it says, week's end: Saturdays and Sundays. So I am excited tomorrow is Friday, even though that means it's laundry time (for real this time...there are No underwear left...!) and feeling slightly guilty about unchecked /unread e-mails time again.
The great stuff from today: I (only slightly joking) suggested we watch a movie in acting class today because the teacher seemed hesitant to have us start anything when half the class was absent, and it was pretty stormy outside, and he picked the perfect movie. . .we got to see Clue from 1985, which I have never watched, but enjoyed a lot, mostly because of Tim Curry. I went along a busy business street and had great success with owners agreeing to let me hang up school play posters. I ran out before I even got to where I was expecting to. My other coworker apologized (though she needn't) for when I was upset the other day (yesterday) and gave me a hug, and was a good listener. I took my breaks mostly on time and got a good coffee drink at the school cafe. I also got to see a student's cool sketches which were really great! I didn't even know he could draw!

What I thought we were getting

Bad stuff: When we got microwave popcorn in class I thought it would be like the popcorn I had before which you could just pour out, so I poured some out onto a student's hand, and it was just burning hot melted butter flavoring that came out onto him. Then, I 'smartly' poured some onto my hand, and the same thing happened. I somehow kept quiet, but it hurt like hell, especially the unpopped kernel that was what felt like boiling temperature. Once I identified that as the worst culprit in my current palm pain besides the liquid fire 'butter', I passed that handful over to the kid. I'm still not sure if I did it to myself after he got burned because I thought he was extremely temperature sensitive and I could handle it better, or if I wanted to inflict the same pain on myself after he had to experience it because of me, but I quickly found out that rather than popcorn pouring out, just that greasy hot as fuck goo came rushing out. I had offered to help the kid who was making and passing out the popcorn and I dearly wish I had because I would have been able to tell in the light in the other room what the deal was. I never saw the student I accidentally burned after that. I can only gauge by my own level of pain how he fared. About two hours after class I got to put some ice on my hand, and as of now it's still slightly sensitive, but I'm fine. Tomorrow I will apologize again.

What we got: Ow ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot!!!!

So, I have trouble learning ie remembering lessons I am given. Over and over I have instincts and ideas and don't follow through and am harmed in some way by that. Today was just a more visceral lesson. Maybe the physical pain will help my synapses connect and make better decisions. However, I am thinking about my back pain, and personal area pain, and mental anguish, and other situations (like how I wanted to give Jorge a bike helmet, but thought I could do it later, and then he moved and was gone!) that could have either been avoided or significantly diminished if I had listened to myself and remembered what I learned from past experiences.
The other bad thing was that I had the opportunity to talk more and listen to a very quiet student who has great difficulty in reading and writing and also speaking coherently, and he needs more help than I can offer. I mean, he needs some mental health diagnosis and some serious testing and analysis, and I don't know, maybe a brain scan? I'm not being mean, I just know he is not receiving the correct education for his abilities in this class. He seems like he could bloom with the right approach and specialized program, but there's no way he can keep up with these other kids. I know the teacher is aware of this, but it takes a long time to place a student correctly sometimes, if they don't know exactly what they need or what their issues are causing the learning block. I hope they at least can put him in a class where he doesn't feel so frustrated and can get a lot more one-on-one time with a teacher. That will encourage him to grow and be confident so he can flourish.

Wensdee

I cried toward the end of the day, frustrated that my schedule had changed and parts of it didn't make sense and my coworkers laughed either about it or at me being frustrated for some reason. I said they wouldn't laugh at our frustrated autistic students like that, because it made me mad aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! and I went to take a break and when I got back two of them hugged me, which was thoughtful... though I slightly doubted the sincerity, I wasn't going to turn down a hug.I miss the hugs I often gave and received in my second classroom last year...

I asked Steve to bring home my favorite pizza if he could to cheer me up. Update: despite sending him all the info like phone and address to Escape From New York pizza, he brought home Pizza Hut for some reason. I am not mad, but sad, because I made a specific request that he agreed to and then he sez that he didn't even read my whole message? :( But he did bring pizza, just not the right pizza:(

I know it would help if I exercised more instead of napping, and especially if I did yoga again.
I remembered to renew Alice in Wonderland library book which is good.
I still have to hang up more school play fliers.

There are some seriously devastating wildfires soaring along in Northern California right now. They started Sunday night and haven't stopped, burning homes and wineries and schools to the ground. Entire neighborhoods are gone and 15 people have died. They are evacuating at least 20,000 people. I read a CNN article from today that said at least 95% of the state's wildfires are started by arson. My friend in Sonoma County told me via text that her family was told to prepare to evacuate today. Peace.

Toozdee

I am again just so grateful for my proximity to work. It is turning to rainy, morning fog weather and I am so very glad I don't have to drive great distances any longer.
I am also grateful that the class I am in now allows me to traverse the campus and not because I am chasing a student. It's more like the second class I was in last year than the first one. The downstairs one rather than the upstairs room.

Today we had a bus evacuation drill, which I'd not done before, and I almost asked a question when she said any questions, but instead I mentioned it as we were leaving and she said oh! I forgot that part! So it was a reminder to me, to ask your questions and not hold them in, they might turn out to be important. And I suppose probably a reminder to her to have a list of things to mention. Though she was holding a paper...

I laughed harder today than I have in a very long while. Maybe since we saw Jay Larson standup show in the Summer. All because of an improv game they did in drama class where two people sit on a park bench and have to follow the lead for the scene of whoever starts the dialogue. It started out "Welcome to Domino's, how may I help you?" and she responded " I'd like a pizza." and he said, like it was scripted: "I'm sorry, we only sell ramen." And it was such a ridiculous and unexpected thing that I laughed so loud and hard, and it just got better from there and devolved into paying with baby parts and parents being cannibalized. Oh my God, it was so funny. I wish I had filmed it. If only I had known. And I wish that kid would be on SNL, so I could watch him every week. Maybe he will!

A kid asked me if I like Christian rock and I'm like, maybe, it depends on the band and song like any other type of music. But he seemed to just want a yes or no, so I said yes, and that satisfied him. Then he started talking to another kid about the church they went to, but the one kid couldn't go anymore for some parental imposed reason, and he exclaimed that he hates his parents and where he lives.

I thought that didn't sound like a very church attending individual thing to say, but also that I don't know his parents and maybe they're monsters and he is unhappy at home. It also reminded.me of when I was really depressed and thought I hated my mom and wanted her to die too so I would be an orphan. It was, and I know I had been through a lot, but it truly was some classic teenage angst. Though I dearly wish it had been more conceptual and metaphorical, and less directed at my mom, who clearly needed some serious support at the time too.

I guess part of me wanted to be like a lot of my friends who were hating on their parents a lot of the time, when I should have been trying to tap into my own individual strength rather than fitting in with negative people.
 I should have focused on healing and growing and being my mom's best friend when we needed each other the most. Sorry mom. I know we became close later, but I'm sorry I messed up so much, and wasn't there for you (and you for me sometimes too) when you needed me the most. Peace.

Blah-day

Even though it weren't a bad day per se, it was a blah day just because it was Monday and I did want to sleep.
I put the books back on the library shelf display that I didn't officially check out but read on the weekend. I shared some muffins I baked. I made some photocopies for teacher and felt like I was going to screw up that simple secretarial duty. I used my brain once in a while, like when I signed on a student to their online test account before the rest of the class so they wouldn't be behind (since last time I did it I messed up the password and didn't know where the site was and got so nervous we were slower than everybody else that I messed up more stuff too.). I do much better on things in general when I can do it by myself first and without time pressure stressors.

I got to read with Sharon and it was so nice because it reminds me of doing SMART reading, which is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world, although I am thinking of skipping it (this would be my fourth year) since I don't want to drive anywhere. But I might do it anyway because I love it so much.

I just ate yummy dinner (chicken and rice and broccoli) and need to go watch Doctor Who after we finish this new Netflix anime.

Also I had better take a shower.

I finally finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series on Netflix too. She is a super woman of a tough and resilient character. I had a dream I had a mohawk and blue skin because I fell asleep while watching it...

I wish I could take a beginning Japanese class at school, see if it's harder than Spanish or what... PEACE.

Sunday

Made some meatballs, waffles and muffins. Read two books and slept. A lot. Peace.

Sattidy (Boring update)

Woke up early to go to school and help with homework in the library, but got there an hour early because I got the time wrong. The leader let me leave early though which was nice, and I spent the time reading a pretty good book from the Halloween display shelf. We also got paid for six hours (?)  though we were only there for three. I was wearing my drama club t-shirt and my rainbow suspenders and someone asked if I was a drama teacher. There was a box of bananas in the hall (?) so I ate two because I was hungry. I bought a water from the machine and it gave me two so I gave one away.

I went home and had lunch with Steve and then I took a long nap. I must have woken up cranky because I yelled at Steve about clothes on the floor and other tasks that he was supposed to do but hadn't. He kindly took care of things and later we went to a different gym in the same chain. He worked out with his trainer and I did a variety of stuff until he was done, then we played some basketball and went in the pool and jacuzzi. Their pool is much cleaner than the other one and they have swimsuit dryers and a punching bag. Also, the ladies' room has doors on the showers instead of just small plastic curtains.

Then we went to Taco Bell for supper snack on the way home. Then we watched Will & Grace (new! reboot!) and are now watching some anime, and then we'll watch last week's Fear teh Walking Dead. I did a bunch of chores and dishes earlier, but didn't do any art like I wanted to; now it's raining and I'm a little sad I didn't go roller skating, even just in the parking lot, yesterday while it was so nice outside still. I wanted to change the sheets and do laundry as well, but I will work on that tomorrow. Blade Runner just came out and I really want to see it, plus the Atomic Blonde movie still...

Somehow I lost my 'good' reading glasses with the nice color beaded neck chain when I was trying on clothes in Ross yesterday and I really need to replace it. Ack, I guess that's it; boring, but a safe and fairly productive day, so that's good, right? Peace!

Fryday

Had good time in acting doing our skit and watching others. Had hard time talking to some stressed out kids, but did my best. Signed up to get money for drama club by chaperoning a dance. Hung up a lot of upcoming play posters. Got told to shut up and go away by a kid, but didn't take it personally I'm glad to say. Most of the school kids have been very nice to me. Went and met up for drinks with some school people and that was pretty cool. Heard a story about my old school that was interesting and a story from a guy who lived in New York for a long time. Saw the nice gal from Ulta beauty who remembered me AND told me how some kids from school shoplifted there. I bought her some chocolate and brought it back to her later. Also the girl's bathroom was locked today, probably because yesterday someone smoked out in there because it reeked...Yesterday I got to type dictation from a student who insisted on handwriting their paper first, so that was good typing practice. Today I got to use a practical application of google drive and now I know how to share documents which is very useful. Tomorrow is my first day of working a Saturday as a teaching tutor for weekend school, which I was intending to volunteer for, but they said I would get paid, so that's special! PEACE.
P.S. Disclaimer: I did not adhere to my "no Twitter until I write" rule, but I was truly pretty busy today. No excuse, just sayin'. Gotta go watch new Star Trek!

Happy Thursday!

I got to work after school doing some cleaning in the theater department and it made me happy.

Good News Wednesday

I am pretty excited there's going to be a Doctor Who play in the park this Summer! I hope that I can contribute to it in some way. So even though I opened my Go Pro and used it a couple times, I'm still not sure if it's working because the video we tried to make of doing archery practice wasn't uploading correctly to the surface pro pc, let alone the big pc, so I'm just not sure. I watched some new Stanley Roberts People Behaving Badly, and I just wish there was a show like his for every area. I would absolutely love to watch them from different states to see what the biggest problems are with the drivers and parking and public transit in other places. i'm watching a dashcam network from the UK right now that's pretty interesting. I was planning on going to go and try to get a footsie massage today, but I am feeling super tired, so I'm going to just lay down and not feel guilty about it. I drank some feel coffee today that made me kind of wired then I felt droopy and crashed later. I got to color in some pictures of Mr.T for the acting scene we're doing and that was fun. I'm glad. My co-workers continue to be helpful and amazing, so I hope that they feel the same way about me most of the time.
I got some cool poetry books by Gary Soto and Sherman Alexie, and a book I totally forgot about, but could really use right now called The Tao of Pooh from the school library today. Also I helped a couple few kids in art class and another group with their acting scene. I'd love to just be a school class coach and go around like that helping out. Well, maybe not, but it was fun to do today and I enjoyed that I was able to help the students even though they weren't in my class. Peace.

Toozdee

Okay so I want to go on Twitter at the gym but I'm going to respect my own rules and write my blog first. But since I just have phone I must do here. Our new police chief is from Oakland and her last name is Outlaw. So that's interesting. School was interesting. I forgot my list of my daily schedule so I was like hmmm can I just do this from memory now? And it was fine. My main teacher was thinking I should be in her class at one point but I've gone to the same class for weeks so I'm not sure why. I think we straightened it out later. I finally got to learn how the ultra modern laundry machines work and how to log on one student to their iPad. I also got to read with a kid who really needs to learn. Every moment he's not busy someone needs to read with him. I can't seem to make people understand that. But I will do it myself as much as it  can. I wish they would pull me from art and drama with the kids who really don't need help and put me with one of our 3 or 4 kids who could really use the reading and writing help. Okay. So how do I transfer this to blogger? Do I have to literally re-write it all? You know what? Idc. It's good typing practice anyway. I think they have a computer keyboarding class at school. I wish I could take it...! Peace. In Puerto Rico, in the middle east, in the USA, and in people's souls.

New Rules

UPdated rule: I have to write here before I can use Twitter. And before I take any naps.  Because it's too easy and tempting to forget or just skip it. The best time to write would be at school directly after school. Or maybe not. But I should try it. I had another super chock full o'nuts day. It was overall good. I want time to stop and learn so much that there isn't time for. I need to re-read all my bloggie posts where I tried to convince myself that I was (am) capable of organizing my time. It drives me to drink to think how much time I actually could use for brain studies. But I do like to sleep. And watch television shows. So...got to realize the priority that I want to work on and do it. And not be so tired all the time too. But part of that is the back medicine. A nurse told me a story about how she had severe back problems and then shoulder problems and got into a car accident on top of it all! So really I am very lucky! And I am ever so grateful that I get to walk to school. Wow. It's raining here as hard as it is on the Swedish show I'm watching ( The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy).

I really think I still need an i-pad to figure out how they work. Just using one temporarily at school is not an in-depth enough learning experience. And I come across seemingly simple situations that I need to problem solve and I know there's a way, but I'm flumple-nerfed. It's like that time I was trying to post a picture from a facebook post onto the lost and found for neighbor kitty and I could save them but I didn't know where they were going and Steven totally helped walk me through how to put them into a folder and then access it and paste/insert the photos. Seemed easy, but there were actually a few steps involved and if you didn't know what they were then you were flummoxed...

So, here's to learning more about computers in general and applications in particular, and here's to writing Before3 resting or playing around.

I am not going to discuss the mass shooting that was committed in Nevada yesterday because I am numb to it. The guns should have stopped after the first school shooting. Or mall shooting. Or gangland shootings. The guns should have stopped. P E A C E. Please.

Wow. Just, wow...

I can't believe I haven't written for days. This is ridiculous. How did this happen? I guess I was too busy working and too tired afterward to write! ...I know I went to the drama club meeting after school on Thursday and Wendy said to come up on stage and introduce yourself, which I did readily, but was a little embarrassed by. Then I worked for a couple hours cleaning the prop storeroom which was sweaty work but fun for me because I like to organize stuff that is not my own. It was extra cool because I got to see up close some of the props from the school plays we saw in the past.

Friday I know was a very busy day. And I keep missing taking my last breaks because I'm too busy at that time in the afternoon...and then we had a lockdown drill and needed to have a pep rally? Because of football? Anyway. Oh yeah! I remember now. I had a massage appointment. To get a Thai massage. With a holistic healer wearing an owl pouch named Britney. It was good! Like having someone else do yoga stretched on you. Then I spent $190 at Ulta beauty on some tinted moisturizer by Philosophy, a professional (?) high-quality brush, some special fancy perfume, purple hair color, and some argan oil for hair.

Yesterday Steven promised his friend we would go play some golf-related activities with him. So that's what we did. It was not unenjoyable, but not an activity I would want to do regularly.

There's a lot to do today, like dishes and finally check those emails I keep putting off looking at. The advice I read a while back is supposed to work for keeping your emails in control, but only if you do it every single day. I need to figure out how to make a schedule that I will actually maintain. Like how I was writing every day here for a few months and then all of a sudden I got off schedule.