"Sincereously"

       Nothing is Wrong with Me!/What is Wrong with ME?

I have been slacking and procrastinating coming here to write, and it only took a bunch of Kevin Smith videos to encourage me to finally get back to it! Here's a good part of one of them: 

Kevin Smith encourages people to use their unique voice. He says: "Nobody hears it as often as they should...You Are Smart, and You Are Good!...". It would make a great children's book title actually. It could involve some anthropomorphized animals...with names like Carleton and Jewel. In the town of Shrewsbury...


Anyway! Because of trying to continue receiving 'food stamps' (long story), I ended up doing a really great Spring and Summer stint as a regular volunteer at an after school program called Shine. It didn't actually help me reinstate the food assistance, but that's okay. It was extremely valuable experience, starting out as an assistant, and then leading a class myself. The kids were, as they usually are, amazing. I 'sincereously' encourage everyone to start participating in volunteer work as soon as you are old enough to walk and talk. I encourage parents to volunteer with their children. It's great, do it!

I wish that I had volunteered long ago as a child, but I didn't. But I do it now! I can do better, and be better, now that I know better. And volunteering can lead to bigger and better things. It's really like an unpaid internship job that you get to choose yourself.

So while I was volunteering there I applied for about ten different jobs on the school district website. Different things, from library aide to nutrition services. A couple weeks later I got a call for an interview to be a substitute lunch lady. I was like, cool. I can do that again, I did it at the other sub job, but this will be more regular and closer to home. It's part time, so I can keep pretending to pursue my artwork and writing, and probably qualify for SNAP again. On the negatory side, it's food service, which I have sworn off many times (long story). The person who did the interview, a really nice lady, she shared practically her whole life story, which was really interesting, how she used to be a dressmaker and ended up in management at Nordstrom's, never having gone to college, she was very successful, before becoming a cafeteria worker herself, and then working her way up into management of the whole department! Anyway, I sent her a thank you email afterwards and she wrote back and said nice to meet you too, and yer hired! Pending an HR required physical.

Wow, Cool! I got a job! It doesn't pay more than my other sub jobs (11.00 an hour) but it will be cool. It's not in a classroom environment, but it's in schools, and I can observe and interact and take mental notes for my future ( say a little affirmation)books! I'll probably get a free meal! I was talking myself into it more and more. See the positive! Be optimistic! Then I didn't pass my physical. My still healing broken finger, and my heart murmur caused them to say Nope, pending a letter from the doctors stating these things would not interfere or compromise my ability to do the job. Oh, no! So I made appointments to take care of that. Then I get an email that I have an interview for one of the other positions I had applied for! A higher paying job! With people, not food! I was pretty excited. I wore, as I did for the first interview, my nice, gently used clothes I got from Dress For Success, applied a little makeup, and I felt pretty confident. It didn't require a physical, and wasn't a sub position, so it would be at the same location. It would be 35 hours, so would qualify for benefits. I told my boss at Shine about it and he said he would be glad to be a reference for me too. (Which turned out to be very helpful, as the reference I had put in my application didn't respond.)

I went to the interview in the Special Education offices and who should work there but Tammy Piscatelli, the former head school secretary from the school where I did SMART and book room volunteering! It was nice to see a familiar face. And then, when I went to the HR offices for the benefits meeting for the group of new hires, who should come up and say hello, but the former principal from there! It was pretty cool. So, fast forward, because I haven't written about each of these things and events as they were happening, and I'm just trying to catch up now, without writing every little detail...

It's September! I had a fantastic birthday last month with Awesome Steve, and now have a (hopefully) fantastic job to start next week! Some advice I heard recently from the speaker at a DFS meeting was that you should go home each day and write down a positive accomplishment from the day. I will try to remember that, next time I think about writing, then put it off.
Signing off,
Kaet

P.S. Here's an amusing excerpt from a Kevin Smith interview:

I feel like my entire generation grew up smoking weed and watching Clerks and Mallrats.

See, that’s something I never did until fairly recently. It was [Seth] Rogen who turned me on to it. I’d smoked weed in the past, but treated it as a recreational, once-in-a-blue-moon thing. But Rogen was just so impressive and productive as a stoner, and the only stoners I’d known filled the stereotype, but this is a guy who works against the stereotype, since he’s always working on, like, nine things at once. He introduced me to the notion that there’s a whole community of productive stoners—not just in this business, but everywhere.

It’s a really mental wall, but once you concentrate and bust through that wall, you can be very productive. 

Exactly. Some people are like, “I can’t imagine working stoned!” but for me, part of the fun is working through it, where it’s like, “OK, there’s something here but it’s clearing cobwebs and making me look at it from a new perspective.” It doesn’t give you any creative ideas, but it removes fear from any equation so you have no fear of what will happen.

Absotively Posilutely!

Absotively Posilutely!

Happy 4th of July! I have had some hiccups in the past couple months, but have been making some progress lately. I was told in order to retain my food stamp allowance I would need to take a class at the community college work source center called ABAWD, or able bodied adults without dependents. I did that, and then for a month recorded all of my job seeking/training activities, and any work (including volunteering) I was doing. The next month I found out in lieu of doing all this record keeping I could be working five hours a week at the Oregon Food Bank (where I took a free gardening class last year), so I did that for a month, while also volunteering at two different schools. While I was doing all of this I was not receiving any food stamp benefits. It turned out those two months didn't matter, the people at the Human Services department made some snafu and had my file closed so I would need to reapply from scratch. 

So I quit the Food Bank, since it wasn't counting, and it was rather hard work to not be getting paid anything for, also I had a couple bad experiences there at the end, when I got my finger smashed, and later wasn't allowed in to use the restroom even though it was past time to open the doors. I had just ridden my bike for over an hour and was pissed. The great news is, that because of the Abawd thing, I finally got to experience Dress for Success, for which you need a 'referral' from a social services agency, but man, could I have used their help for some interviews I had out of college. I do not know how to dress well, nor did I have the proper things to wear to appear professional. Dress for Success allows me to join HOPE (Help One Person Excel), and in just the first meeting I learned so much from their guest speaker, a professional organizer, and also found out about free eye exams they have in conjunction with a local optometrist! The other good thing was just donating time to the food bank, learning a lot more about how they operate, and where the things that are given out at the local church food pantry come from.

SMART and the bookroom are done for the Summer, as is the subbing, although I am signed up for a future course via them to learn how to subdue a child in a situation of physical violence, which is needed if you intend to work with special education in schools. I redid my entire school district application because they changed their online system, and though tedious, it was a good, fresh start. After doing that I applied for a dozen jobs all at once, from classroom instructional assistants to library aides to nutritional subs (cafeteria worker) and have an interview this week for the food services position. I was a bit disappointed it wasn't one of the educational ones, but really it's a great opportunity to be a sub in a less demanding job so I can organize and devote time to the children's books I (say I) want to write. Also, I can work directly with kids as a volunteer for shorter periods of time and not be in such a responsible position, which would honestly kind of stress me out!

My neighbor friend's cousin recently was visiting and asked me if I wanted to work at the Y with her. It's on hospital grounds and mostly kids of hospital staff, doing art projects and activities. It's a lot like what I am going to do with the Summer school program a couple days a week, except it's paid. And further away. But I told her I will come check it out to see what it's like! I vacillate between thinking it's an awesome opportunity, and questioning it because I didn't have to struggle to achieve it.

I also applied for the recreation center summer program to be an art instructor, which I would have been stellar at doing, but I haven't heard back and it's been weeks. So I rack it up on the "Not Meant to Be" side of the chalk board.

I think I will leave it here, I just wanted to add some more fun, esoteric thoughts, but I can do that when I have more time to ponder. Thank you and good night.

Christ on a Cracker!

By George, Something Went Right!

I'm kind of happy right now, and it may be a fluke, but 

I'd like to think I've been slowly working toward it with a combination of good (well, better...) decisions, personal effort, and some selfless giving too. Maybe that's over reaching, but even if it's half true then I will be content with that. Remember Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day book? Well, today was the opposite of that. I had practically given up on expecting to get more classroom sub jobs since the ones I've been seeing lately were all cafeteria work, but last night there were several different options. One of which was the same school where I had been for almost three months in the kitchen, but it was for a special ed. classroom assistant. I almost chose that one just to see some familiar faces, but decided on the unknown.

So I chose a school I hadn't been to before based solely on proximity to home, and worked from eight to three in two different classrooms, the nurse's office, and on recess duty. 

It was a smaller school, situated on a side street, next to an old community church, in a cute old fashioned schoolhouse building. Despite getting little sleep last night, I had my proverbial act pretty together this morning. Traffic was very light for the directions I was heading, there and back. It turned out that most of the classes were taught in Spanish, so I got to review some dormant language skills. There was free cinnamon cake in the break room. There was a back and neck massager set up on a chair in the staff room, which I took advantage of for the duration of my lunch hour. I met many lovely people, all of whom were younger than myself, but what can you do, I'm late to the game. I spoke with a very motivated sub who encouraged me to sign up for the supplemental training course offered by the sub office this summer to provide certified training for teacher's aids for students with disabilities. That would improve the opportunities for chances to work with special education classes.

Besides wishing I had taken eight years of Spanish instead of French, and running out of breath while jogging with the kids at recess, it was a really positive, nothing to complain about, pretty cool kind of experience. I really do enjoy working with children, but I don't know if I could be a full time teacher and deal with all the paperwork and disciplinary aspects of the job. Maybe that could come with training and experience. The teacher stepped in a few times when my kid I was working with behaved in a way she didn't deem appropriate, and I was glad of it, she seemed strict but fair, and had reasonably high expectations for her students, who were to my eyes, all on the above average level.

When I got home I cut some beautiful yellow roses from outside for our neighbor (just to be nice) and myself to brighten up the dark apartment space on this gloomy weather day. I wanted to share these feelings whilst still overflowing with gratitude for a super positive day, because even my optimism will wane and I may need something to look back on that was concrete and real in order to remember: Happy Can Happen. And it does, and being grateful really does help. "Attitude of Gratitude, Dude."

P.S. I should give a little shout out to Dress For Success non-profit organization for helping me put together a couple decent outfits and accessories to make me feel more confident and appropriately attired. I wish I had been able to go to them long ago, as the experience did wonders for my esteem.

Discerning Deleterious Decisions

What's Up, Doc?

 What's up with the snails in the garden, eh? We went to help a lady named Roxanne with her small garden weeding project since she put a call for help out on the neighborhood blog. Snails just came up onto the cranberry hibiscus iced tea that she made for me when I set it down on a rock! 

 Also, I accidentally dug up the bones of her deceased buried cat from long ago. Yikes. That was a little awkward. So reading volunteering is coming to an end, and I was invited to attend the end of year luncheon...I won a ping pong prize in the raffle! So I have begun orientation for an after school program that will be continuing into Summer time, to teach/lead an activity for elementary kids.

The dish washing cafeteria helper substitute gig ended when they cut the hours severely and the manager suggested it wasn't quite worth it to continue, and I agreed. I had really appreciated the consistency and regular expectations of the position, it reminded me of how it feels to have something you depend on that's reliable. I have an interview next week with a kid's Summer camp 

 day program, and have been searching job postings by the local school district and looking online for other opportunities. I had to attend an orientation/training class at the local work source center in the Community College in order to try and continue receiving food stamp benefits (SNAP, as they say), and the requirements are to work or be actively looking for work 20 hours a week. Including my current volunteering. 

So that put a little fire under my butt, and besides finding some good job possibilities, I signed up with two different volunteer organizations. Through them, I am going to start volunteering a shift at the Children's Museum (which is an educational play program), as well as the after school group I mentioned earlier. This is pretty awesome, as it can really benefit any future teaching opportunities I try to go for. Today I met with the school's work counselor, and she said all the regular housework and laundry I do here in exchange for rent can count as hours worked in barter (yay!) and I can also do one five hour shift at the Oregon Food Bank instead of tracking all my job hunting and submitting it, and that would be sufficient for fulfilling the requirements of DHS. Besides that, I am getting slowly motivated to create an online art portfolio, which I should have had long ago, as I applied to Laika for an internship, and also a separate illustrator job, with what I would consider a very substandard collection of drawings. If I ever expect to illustrate books, I must do this.

The daisy plant I saw today on my ride, growing through the crack in the pavement, is very inspiring!

Concentration is the Game

Blogs are dumb. Why do I say this? Because I am not a journalist, or an author, and blogging should be helpful information, and not just rambling diary entries, which is more what I seem to be doing. And I don't want to say that I am dumb, so I will just say that blogs are dumb. I still don't know how to type either, and that is frustrating too. But, Fuck it. I love having this, and doing it, so there.

Hey now, got that out of the way, so what's going on? Well, back in December the substitute place sent out an announcement that if you had a college degree you could apply to be a special restricted licensed substitute. That means, if you apply and qualify, that instead of just a classified sub, where you can do teaching assistant jobs, or work in clerical or janitorial, you can actually make some $. Without having a master's degree, or a specific early childhood education, or library sciences degree.

It's a nice proposition, so I am going to pursue it and see where it takes me. If anywhere. But for now, I am in the cafeteria everyday except for book reading volunteer day at the elementary school, washing dishes and handing out small trays of flavorless, yet nutritious food to hungry urchins.

The people are Great, I must say, they are kind and fair, and just very nice women. And I get to listen to podcasts on my phone, which makes the time fly by... I've had jobs where music or radio was strictly verboten, for no good reason. They said it annoyed customers, or interfered with worker concentration, or some other excuse to further crush and depress the lowly minimum wagers there.

But I got away from restaurant work for reasons, and do not relish the continuation of this type of work. It's just not...inspiring. Or motivating, or educational, know what I mean? Basically, anyone could do this job, and so I just don't feel it's fulfilling, or for lack of a better word, special. And fuck you to people who think that you shouldn't love your work, or feel special doing it, because it is possible, and it's a noble and decent thing to strive towards. So I've been doing this for so long because they are supposedly trying to hire somebody and until then they are fine with a substitute. It's honest work and that's always something to be proud of I think. There are no guarantees I would get other sub jobs, so it's nice to be doing something reliable and regular for right now. 

There's a literary history of famous dishwashing characters, men who saw the menial labor as a time to think and dream and philosophize. Job:A Comedy of Errors by Robert Heinlein, and Dishwasher by Pete Jordan are two wonderful books I would love for everyone to read. Love and Peace, AJS

Serendipitous Stuff

Slowly, but Surely

How all the things are possibly starting to come together ...

Art history, reading, and books!

Toward the end of last year I responded to a need in the elementary school book room (associated with the library, but its own entity; focus is on sets of books for classroom reading groups). It's the same school where I already volunteer with S.M.A.R.T., so it was a great opportunity to do more. I am happy to say that I am still involved, and helping out with the data entry, labeling and organising is a great way to be around books in an educational environment.

I also started helping with their art appreciation program, which is taught by the wonderful artist Sarah Dooley, who I know from our community garden, but actually met by a serendipitous coincidence of getting to know an artist named Turquoize Moon Dancer. Turquoize (who is in her seventies), was with a group of friends from the senior center at the Interactive Gaming Museum one day when we happened to stop by, and she told me about the school art group, as well as inviting me to an A.T.C. (artist trading cards) craft class at the local stamp shop. I also found out that Sarah has art classes in her home studio, and have since enjoyed lots of great and inspiring time doing something I practically forgot I loved so much!

Fulfilling old promises

It also turned out that the mom of the owner of the gaming store was a favorite customer from the drugstore, and I knew her from seeing her on a regular basis. After she passed away, I had promised to do a drawing or painting for her sister, but never got further than some sketches. Meeting, and eventually recognising, her son gave me the push I needed to finally get to work on her portrait, and I was finally able to present him with something I felt good about. It wasn't great as a piece of art, but it felt good to do, and captured some of her joyful essence.

Just a catch up 'mini rant' on what happened; for closure.

So I did work for a couple of weeks as an 'office assistant' for the woman with the art school in the strip mall. It didn't work out; for either of us. She wanted me to use her Mac email system, which was all kinds of disorganised, and write in her voice to various friends, people who might participate in fundraising, and to clients who had past due fees. She had me write in first person as her accountant once, seeking some overdue payment for some instruction and materials. That was disturbing, but I did it anyway. I would not do it again. It was too weird. The whole thing was weird, actually. She used to work at a private school as a volunteer, then started teaching, then opened her own school. She's a well respected community person, drives a Mercedes, dresses in beautifully tailored designer clothes, and seemed like an amazing children's teacher. But the whole place is a non profit, and it seems like the kids are all from pretty wealthy families (the fees were really steep, and the kids I saw were dropped off and picked up by an Au Pair). There was talk of providing scholarships for art classes for free to kids in need, but I didn't see that in my short time there. She got regular donations from Blick, but still charged for the materials. Mostly, I had to send e-cards to her friends and acquaintances, based on hurried and vague dictation. I don't pretend to understand all the workings of a not-for-profit business, but it didn't seem to be run very straightforward. In the end I just realized that I wasn't going to be happy as an office assistant, when I really feel more at home teaching and creating myself. And she realized (based on her micromanaging and frequent criticism) that she needed someone to boss around, rather than a colleague. Basically she just wanted a clone of herself, but professionally astute in her favorite email program. I'm going to do a whole post on the subject of 'Bosses' one day, but for now I will just say it's both frustrating and annoying when someone tells you to do something and says just do your best, and then tells you how wrong you did everything! Phew!

Updates and a new (temp) job!

After I discovered that the reason I wasn't receiving substitute alerts was because I needed to update my online testing for the school district, I remedied that, and began a (still ongoing) stint as a fill-in kitchen helper at an elementary cafeteria. There was also a notice that I could qualify as a licensed substitute, meaning more pay and more classroom job opportunities, if I could pass some tests and do some paperwork. I am very interested in this, but I don't yet understand the details of the program. So, I am actually working now, which is very cool, although it is only for three hours a day. I do hope it helps with the new food stamp regulations which say one must be working, or in a work seeking program in order to continue receiving assistance. Because of food stamps, and also health care, I finally feel more like a real human being, and more hopeful for a positive future!

I hope everyone had some time off over the holidays, and is working to do the work they love and feel some success for a productive New Year. Cheers! Peace out.