Thinking

I do think I understand why I am stuck. Why things happen to me instead of being decisions I make. I think it goes back a very long way and is a combination of non-choices conflated by poor choices. A lack of clear goal setting and plan making going back as far as I can remember. And the times I thought I knew what I should do or was doing or going to do, were short sighted and short lived...

And almost every time I planned on doing something for myself that I really wanted to do I either procrastinated about and didn't get to it, or I just didn't motivate and get up to do it.

I feel like I need a re-training for life, and a re-wiring of my decision making synapses.

So how does one do that?

There's a difference between 'going with the flow' and letting life happen to you. You might get lucky and have things just seem to work out naturally sometimes but more likely most things that happen will demand you to compromise somehow because you didn't make any decisions and you gave up control.

That's something I still need to learn. How you make good decisions and keep some control over what happens to you in (my) your own life. It's tough when you live 'paycheck to paycheck' because money can help in almost every way to ease the decision making process, but it's not impossible.